My Good-Bye To You

I know you’re fading
I know we’ll have to say good-bye
You’ll hold our hands
You’ll tell us not to cry
When you lie down to rest
We’ll ask over and over why?
There is so much left here for you to see.
Children will grow, adults to be
You’ll not witness marriages
More children to come
Before all that you’ll be called home
We love you now
We’ll love you when you’re gone
Forever our loving memory you will be

Update on FNL with Pancreatic cancer & My life with fibromyalgia

(FNL-Father N Law/ MNL- Mother N Law)

Hello everyone. Sorry I haven’t put anything up with any real substance. I’ve been avoiding the FNL and pancreatic cancer subject. It hurts to think about it. My health hasn’t been the greatest either.

I’ll give you a quick update. My FNL is losing weight each week, but his spirit is still up. His appetite is steady so I’m happy to hear that. He takes his chemotherapy every time it’s due & that takes five hours. He is usually exhausted afterwards and takes a good week to recoup from it all according to my MNL. I only have phone contact. We haven’t been able to get back over to visit. My husband is going over to spend some time with his dad though this coming week for a few days. It will be good for him and his dad.

I was going to have my tubes tied but decided to have a five-year UID instead. That procedure went OK but boy my uterus wasn’t happy for a few days at all. I still have times during the day where I just cramp up. I get to go off the depo-shot so hopefully I lose another ten pounds. My fibromyalgia has not been friendly to me. I’m exhausted all the time but I don’t sleep worth a damn.

I’m trying to come up with a new look for the blog here. It might not stay this way either I don’t know. It looks like I may end up moving the entire blog in order to have a chance to make a little money off of it. I’ll keep you posted on what the future holds on that. I added a poll to the side feel free to vote! Also the stormierachie to the right is my twitter application.

Well I need to get a few loads of laundry done even though I don’t feel like doing it. I’ll post again soon, thanks for reading. Until next time….BE SAFE!

JO

An update for my readers on the cancer & my own health

So I thought I’d write and give an update to my readers on my FNL and myself.

For myself I’ve had a tough time with muscle tenderness. I feel like I’ve been beaten badly all over. It hurts to sit, hell it hurts to move at all. I think the little yard work I did brought this fibromyalgia attack on. I’ve been feeling this way for 3 days now. The meds I have are not helping at all. I’ve been using heat wraps to ease it. I will survive this. It will pass. Now about my FNL…

He had his second chemotherapy session. It was worse then the first. It gave him bad diarrhea, and this time it had him throwing up. It drained him of most of his energy so he slept a lot afterwards. This lasted a few days or so.

Now he is back in the normal “denial” living as best he can. He’s having some remodeling done in his home so the small projects are keeping him occupied and his mind off the cancer I imagine. I imagine that is his goal. His goal is to not think about the cancer or the fact he’s dying soon at all.

We haven’t been able to get over there to visit again. We plan to go soon though I just hope there is time. Talking on the phone he sounds great! His spirits are high. His white blood cells are staying up so the chemotherapy hasn’t affected that yet and hopefully it won’t so he won’t have to skip any sessions. I love his strength facing such a devastating situation. I do think of him as a dad even though he is only a father by marriage. I’ve had ten years with him so far and they have been good years. We’ve never fought. He has always treated me great. He treats me like a daughter and always has. I am very sad over this but I try to hide it from my husband and daughters. They will need me to be the rock in this situation. Please pray for me to be able to do that. I haven’t been very good at being a rock for a while now.

I love all my readers and I wish you happiness, good health and safety. Until next time…

I will pray for you J
JO

Pancreatic cancer leaves weeks maybe months to live…

We went and visited my father n law. He doesn’t look good to me. I don’t know if it is because I know he is terminally ill with pancreatic cancer or if he really does look bad. Does that make any sense to any of you?

He has lost weight. He has lost a lot of weight if you ask me. His stomach is now looking extended and his pain isn’t easing. He was happy to see his grandbabies though and we all were happy to see him.

I spoke with him about hospice. I bought him some ensure and fresh fruits. He said he would talk to the doctor about hospice when it gets worse. I just wanted to make sure he’s taken care of and has little to no pain. I know from experience with my dad having cancer that they are great to have around.

I am trying to be strong for my oldest daughter and my husband. It is hard. I love my father n law very much. He has always treated me kind and accepted me from the very beginning without reservation. I could have been a psycho woman coming into his home when I got with his son but he accepted me immediately as family. I’ve always looked at him as my father in a way. We may have had minor disagreements through the years but who hasn’t? That doesn’t change the fact that it will hurt me very badly to lose him too. I worry for my husband…his dad is what my dad was to me. My dad has been gone for 13 years and I still have a void in my heart.

I’m not sure when we’re going back over there to stay. I’m guessing within a few weeks. The doctor told my father n law he had weeks maybe months. That is not exactly what I wanted to hear. I was hoping the doctor would have said months maybe a year…

Please continue to pray for my family in this time of great sorrow. Maybe there is a miracle waiting for us…

Until next time….
Be safe!

Looks like end stage cancer…

I sat my daughter down today and gave her the news about her Opa. (German for grandfather) I was so scared to tell her and wasn’t sure how to even start but I got through it.

I told her that Opa has cancer and is very sick. I explained to her that most people with cancers die and that Opa will eventually die. She asked for the date and I told her the time is unknown. I told her that it is important to spend time with her Opa when we go there in the morning and to be sure to let him know that she loves him. She asked if he had the same cancer that my dad had. I almost broke down in tears. I knew she asked this out of fear that Opa will one day be gone like my dad is gone. I have always been honest about my dad’s death with her and let her know that the smoking is what gave him the cancer. I hope this deters her from smoking in the future. I told her that my dad had lung cancer and Opa has pancreatic cancer.

We leave in the morning to spend a few days with him. My girls will be happy to see him and he’ll be happy to see them too. I want to pick up some ensure for him and buy some fresh fruits when we get there. I know these two things will help with weight, and energy from my experience with not only my dad but also my aunt Eve.

Please pray for us and that his time left will be enjoyable as possible with no pain and suffering. Pray for me to be the rock I need to be too please. God bless you my readers, and be safe.