Hello my name is Rachel…around here I’m best known as Just Ordinary. I created this blog page to share pieces of my life with you, the reader, also to share my projects, and writings. This blog page I have created is a collection of realty and fiction. Not everything I write pertains to me or my life.
I began writing when I was 8 years old…I kept everything I wrote. When I first started writing it was to help me deal with sexual abuse that had been happening…and continued to happen for many years. It was my way of letting out the secret without facing the shame of another person knowing what was happening. As I grew up my writings became darker and darker. I was obsessed with suicide, death, murder, blood letting and sadness for a long time. This was the person I had become deep inside. The biggest problem was that person didn’t match with the person I actually wanted to be.I battled for a long time trying to figure out who I really was, and where did I actually belong.
During my teenage years I shared everything I ever written with my dad. He was my best friend. He was my north star. He died my senior year before I got to walk down to get my diploma, I was devastated. I dropped out the month he died which was only three months before graduation. I was bewildered on how I was going to somehow survive the big bad world without dad. I felt so alone with him gone. I have come to the realization that will never change. I have just learned to carry on with a void in my heart.
My dad inspired me, and he encouraged me to write stories, sing, write songs, be creative and to be an inspiration to those who were around me because I was “like a diamond,” he would say. Strong, unbreakable and I had a power to light up any room. I never really believed him, but I did believe that I was his diamond.
My sophomore year of high school I met another man who would inspire me to write. It was my English teacher Mr. Nye. When he would give us assignments to do and I turned them in he would tell me how I was going to go places with my words either in poetry, song or novel. He truly believed I would be Pulitzer prize winner one day. So with his encouragement I continued to write.
I have had some stuff published. I began to feel like writing had become just another job to me. The joy in it was fading quickly by focusing on deadlines, how much income I could make, and how many words were in each piece. It left me at a crossroads in my life. My creative nature has to be expressed I knew this but it couldn’t be controlled. It had to feel free. It had to be free. I put writing aside for a while and when I decided to go back to it I knew it would be something very personal. It would be my own journey with journals, poems, stories and thoughts that would be kept free from constraint. The blog idea was born and here I am as Just Ordinary.
I am not Just Ordinary however even though I do tell many people that. I know I am extraordinary. I know I am remarkable. I know I have conquered so many struggles and trials throughout my life that many have not had the chance. I am blessed and sometimes I wonder why I have been blessed so much in my life with every misstep I’ve taken. Things have always just worked out in the end for me and my life. After every bad thing in my life something better has come along. My writing has become a survival tool for me. A very successful one.
I am a recovering addict also who lives with chronic pain. That in itself I guess makes me extraordinary.
I am 37 soon to be 38 and I’m just as complicated now as I was in my teenage years. I still have so much I am trying to figure out in this crazy thing called life. I have survived an abusive marriage and currently married with two children. We’ve been together for almost 15 years.
I love humanity. I’m loyal. I love like no other you will ever meet but when I am betrayed or hurt I turn cold as ice. I don’t let just anyone into my circle. I will socialize with anyone but to be considered a friend of mine you have to pass tests. You have to be loyal, trustworthy, independent, and you have to accept me as me and not try to change me to suit your needs.
I have been sick since the age of 26. It took them years to figure out why I couldn’t walk on my right leg. By time the doctors were taking me seriously I could not walk at all. I was disabled at age 28. I have a nerve tumor that can’t be removed, and a tarlov cyst. It took two surgeries to find out there was no surgical fix to my problem. Eventually I was put into a trial for a neurostimulator implant to help block the nerve tumor pain so I could at least walk. It was a success. I also have been diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, and A.S. (Anklyosing Spondylitis)
When I want something I work hard to get it and I usually do. I guess you could say I’m ambitious.
January 2015 UPDATE
I am officially a college student working towards getting my teaching degree! I am still sober. I still drive school bus part time. I am on a mission…you are welcome to follow it with me by visiting me here.
September 2015 UPDATE
I left the bus driving career to focus on school for a little while and maybe get a job on campus. I am in my third semester of school.
March 2016 UPDATE
I am now in my fourth semester of school, holding my honor student status! My migraines have returned with a vengeance in February. I go April 1st to see a neurologist about why my headache won’t go away even with being back on my Topamax. I’ve had to deal with some difficulties through insurance paying for my A.S. medicine, humira, so I was taken off that and put on Enbrel, I start that tomorrow. It has been a rough six weeks without A.S. meds.