An update for my readers
Sorry it’s been so long. I’ve been busy with my oldest going back to school. Third grade now! I’ve also had some pretty rough days with my fibromyalgia and the tumor in my back since I’m still not on any medications for the fibro. The tumor pain is from over doing myself out back with my fall planting. I guess I still haven’t figured out how to pace myself.
We spent a week away from home last week. We spent most of that time in WI with my in laws. My father n law gave us some bad news. He said the chemotherapy he was on isn’t working and the cancer has gotten bigger and spread to his spleen and prostate. His pain is MUCH worse. The morphine he’s on isn’t taking care of the pain right now so this I know is VERY bad. He started a new chemotherapy this week in hopes it will prolong his life some but sadly it is soooo hard for me to be optimistic with this situation. I guess I am like that because I’ve lost so many to cancer and have no happy survival stories. I just pray every night that he is given the time he needs and that he is not made to suffer too long. I believe in prayer so that keeps me stronger then I think I would be otherwise. Faith keeps me above water.
I cried when we left. I am so worried about him. I feel helpless too and a part of me says to myself none of it is my place. I’m not his kid. I’m just his daughter by law. He has however always treated me great from the very beginning. Ten years I’ve been with his son and he’s never treated me bad. It is just sad to see someone you love go through such a bullshit thing like cancer. The worst part of it is no matter what he does he’ll lose like so many others….
I had to take a trip to Chicago while we were visiting the in laws. I was made Godmother of my nephew JJ. My husband was made Godfather. We are not catholic so it was a bit nerve racking in the beginning but turned out good. I’m a believer so I guess that is the bottom line. I believe in Christ.
It was a very rough trip for me though. I didn’t sleep and my pain level was extremely high the entire time we were gone. It isn’t anyone’s fault for that. I can’t expect everyone to have an outrageously priced mattress for me to sleep in. It did take me a few days to get my wind back. When I did get my wind back I over did it out back with my fall planting! Another two days to get back on my feet. Except this time I could not walk for two days. I can walk some today so I am thankful it wasn’t a long stretch of being bed ridden.
I have a lot of writing to catch on with the novel I’ve been writing for what feels like ages now. It is a slow process this book and I don’t understand why. I was thinking of maybe taking a breath from it and come back to it later but then I was thinking if I do that I will lose connection with my characters there…there is also the possibility of gaining more insight for my characters. Maybe I have too much mental stress right now to even think about putting out chapters. I just don’t know.
Right now I’m going to go and drink a hot cup of coffee, relax, and enjoy my toddler. Until next time…BE SAFE! God bless.
(FNL-Father N Law/ MNL- Mother N Law)
Hello everyone. Sorry I haven’t put anything up with any real substance. I’ve been avoiding the FNL and pancreatic cancer subject. It hurts to think about it. My health hasn’t been the greatest either.
I’ll give you a quick update. My FNL is losing weight each week, but his spirit is still up. His appetite is steady so I’m happy to hear that. He takes his chemotherapy every time it’s due & that takes five hours. He is usually exhausted afterwards and takes a good week to recoup from it all according to my MNL. I only have phone contact. We haven’t been able to get back over to visit. My husband is going over to spend some time with his dad though this coming week for a few days. It will be good for him and his dad.
I was going to have my tubes tied but decided to have a five-year UID instead. That procedure went OK but boy my uterus wasn’t happy for a few days at all. I still have times during the day where I just cramp up. I get to go off the depo-shot so hopefully I lose another ten pounds. My fibromyalgia has not been friendly to me. I’m exhausted all the time but I don’t sleep worth a damn.
I’m trying to come up with a new look for the blog here. It might not stay this way either I don’t know. It looks like I may end up moving the entire blog in order to have a chance to make a little money off of it. I’ll keep you posted on what the future holds on that. I added a poll to the side feel free to vote! Also the stormierachie to the right is my twitter application.
Well I need to get a few loads of laundry done even though I don’t feel like doing it. I’ll post again soon, thanks for reading. Until next time….BE SAFE!
So I thought I’d write and give an update to my readers on my FNL and myself.
For myself I’ve had a tough time with muscle tenderness. I feel like I’ve been beaten badly all over. It hurts to sit, hell it hurts to move at all. I think the little yard work I did brought this fibromyalgia attack on. I’ve been feeling this way for 3 days now. The meds I have are not helping at all. I’ve been using heat wraps to ease it. I will survive this. It will pass. Now about my FNL…
He had his second chemotherapy session. It was worse then the first. It gave him bad diarrhea, and this time it had him throwing up. It drained him of most of his energy so he slept a lot afterwards. This lasted a few days or so.
Now he is back in the normal “denial” living as best he can. He’s having some remodeling done in his home so the small projects are keeping him occupied and his mind off the cancer I imagine. I imagine that is his goal. His goal is to not think about the cancer or the fact he’s dying soon at all.
We haven’t been able to get over there to visit again. We plan to go soon though I just hope there is time. Talking on the phone he sounds great! His spirits are high. His white blood cells are staying up so the chemotherapy hasn’t affected that yet and hopefully it won’t so he won’t have to skip any sessions. I love his strength facing such a devastating situation. I do think of him as a dad even though he is only a father by marriage. I’ve had ten years with him so far and they have been good years. We’ve never fought. He has always treated me great. He treats me like a daughter and always has. I am very sad over this but I try to hide it from my husband and daughters. They will need me to be the rock in this situation. Please pray for me to be able to do that. I haven’t been very good at being a rock for a while now.
I love all my readers and I wish you happiness, good health and safety. Until next time…
I will pray for you J
I called my FNL yesterday. He sounded good. I was so glad to hear he was in good spirits. He said his pain wasn’t so bad and he is drinking ensure everyday like I asked him to do. He said his appetite is great and he has only lost ten pounds so far. He lost that due to diarrhea. The chemotherapy is causing it. They told him to drink Imodium to prevent it next treatment he has.
There is so much going on in my life right now. It almost makes me feel nausea. I feel at the verge of throwing up. Ever have that feeling?
I have kids to take care of. A home to keep up, a husband to keep happy, medicine to remember to take, doctor appointments out the yin yang to keep, yard work to try to get done little by little, flowers to put out for this season, my brother says something is wrong with his blood work he had done, my uncle just had a stroke, my mom keeps getting pneumonia, my fibromyalgia seems to be out of control, I’m not sleeping well, I’m trying hard to lose weight and I am not winning that battle! I’m falling back into depression, and I can’t finish my book The Seed Of Infidelity. WOW that is a lot I think. Oh and sometimes I forget to eat through the day.
I’m so tired. I can’t do this blog anymore right now….
We went and visited my father n law. He doesn’t look good to me. I don’t know if it is because I know he is terminally ill with pancreatic cancer or if he really does look bad. Does that make any sense to any of you?
He has lost weight. He has lost a lot of weight if you ask me. His stomach is now looking extended and his pain isn’t easing. He was happy to see his grandbabies though and we all were happy to see him.
I spoke with him about hospice. I bought him some ensure and fresh fruits. He said he would talk to the doctor about hospice when it gets worse. I just wanted to make sure he’s taken care of and has little to no pain. I know from experience with my dad having cancer that they are great to have around.
I am trying to be strong for my oldest daughter and my husband. It is hard. I love my father n law very much. He has always treated me kind and accepted me from the very beginning without reservation. I could have been a psycho woman coming into his home when I got with his son but he accepted me immediately as family. I’ve always looked at him as my father in a way. We may have had minor disagreements through the years but who hasn’t? That doesn’t change the fact that it will hurt me very badly to lose him too. I worry for my husband…his dad is what my dad was to me. My dad has been gone for 13 years and I still have a void in my heart.
I’m not sure when we’re going back over there to stay. I’m guessing within a few weeks. The doctor told my father n law he had weeks maybe months. That is not exactly what I wanted to hear. I was hoping the doctor would have said months maybe a year…
Please continue to pray for my family in this time of great sorrow. Maybe there is a miracle waiting for us…
Until next time….