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The scare of cancer, I quit smoking…

I have finally decided to quit smoking again. This will be the third time thus far I’ve attempted to quit smoking since I started over 15 years ago. This time I am determined to be successful. I will be asking my doctor to put me on Chantix this time to help me with the cravings. Eventually I will kick this habit, lets hope it is this time around before cancer comes and bites me in the ass like it has done so much of my family.

Most of my readers know that I lost my dad in 1996 of lung cancer, I lost a very close aunt in 2005 from ovarian cancer, I never knew 3 of my grandparents due to them dying from cancer before I was even created. Most of my readers know that I also have an aunt now fighting for her life, ovarian cancer.

A week ago my husband and I had quite a scare. We received a call from my father n law and he was told that he had pancreatic cancer, spots on the liver and a shadow on the lung. I was terrified for him, my husband, for my eldest daughter and for myself on handling the battle ahead. I immediately started researching all I could about pancreatic cancer and that just panicked me even more. Over that following weekend I cried, thought about it all, read tons of information and smoked like a freight train. I thought about things like how was I going to break the news that her opa was going to die? How was I going to be strong enough to help my husband through it? I thought about my youngest girl not knowing her opa. (Opa is grandpa in German) My husband and I decided not to say anything to our daughter until we knew more. Of course knowing more when dealing with cancer is the length of time estimated to live, what course of treatment would be offered, what stage has the cancer reached. I knew all this from tons of sad experience from losing my dad.

A week went by and it was horrible for all of us thinking he was done for. He got in to the doctor to get more information and they tell him something that surprised me and confused me greatly. The doctor said he didn’t have any cancer!

What a relief! It felt like the world was lifted off my shoulders. I had decided in the middle of the week that I would quit smoking before we got the clear for my father n law. I know that if I don’t quit it will be cancer that kills me. My risks are way too high to even think I would avoid cancer if I kept smoking. I am prone to it by genes.

Today was the first day. Successful too. I had one bad craving in the day, but I got through it. I see the doctor next week, and I will have her give me Chantix to help my odds of staying a non-smoker this time. I’ll be damn lucky not to get cancer after all the years I’ve polluted my body!

I’ve gone off my lyrica and when I go to the doctor next week I plan on making her give me something new. It is making me sleep all the time now for some reason. That will get straightened out too. The pain has been pretty damn bad but it won’t be forever.

Until next time…

Be safe

Will fibromyalgia allow me a good day today?

Today seems like it is going to be an OK day for me with the fibromyalgia. I’m trying to get my headache to ease right now but I’m not as fatigued as yesterday. My body feels a little spent but if I just take it easy today and don’t over do it I think it might be an OK day. The headache isn’t as bad as it was when I first got up this morning at 7am, so that is an improvement.

My plan is to wait just a little while for my head to ease and then take a warm shower. After that all I need to do today is a few loads of laundry and get dinner ready for tonight. That shouldn’t be too much for me to do today.

When you live with fibromyalgia you just never know what each day is going to bring. Some days you feel like you don’t even have the illness. Others you feel like you just can’t get out and bed and for some of us we don’t simply because we can’t. The medical community has gotten better about dealing and diagnosing fibromyalgia so there are medications given to help with pain and sometimes sleep.

Lyrica was a Godsend to me when I first was prescribed the medication. It helped me so much that I felt like I didn’t even have fibromyalgia. Over time though I have found that it doesn’t do as good of a job in helping me with my fibromyalgia symptoms. I guess you can build a tolerance to the drug. I’m taking the highest dose so they can’t increase me any further. I’m not sure what they will do next. They might try another medicine I guess. I don’t know. I take so many meds for my tumor and my other ailments that I don’t like doctors adding meds to my list unless really necessary.

I found out that I have PSVT, Paroxysmal Supraventricular Tachycardia. It is a condition with your heart. It isn’t life threatening thank goodness. My heart will race for no reason sometimes above normal heart rates. It will get me out of breath, sometimes bring on a worse headache, and worsens the fatigue. The doctor said she could put me on beta-blockers to slow the heart but I decided against it since it isn’t a life threatening condition and I’m on so many other meds as it is. If it gets worse and more bothersome then I may go on the beta-blockers.

Well I wish you all well in your day. I’m off to shower up and hopefully have a good day without fibromyalgia making it a bad one.

The Abusive Relationship of Fibromyalgia (*Some strong language*)

This is a relationship I can’t leave. I will have FMS for the rest of my life. I have nerve damage that doctors believe brought on my severe case of FMS so the future does not look bright for me getting rid of this illness.

I had to see my doctor a week ago. She increased my dose of cymbalta hoping it will help with pain. I go back in December to give her an update on how it has done. I found out I have an ear infection again too. Strange but hopefully the antibiotic will take care of that and my sinus problem.

Oh how I am dreading winter coming. I have so many bad days so far and it isn’t even winter yet! It has only been down to the 20’s and 30’s for low temps here. If I can’t handle that what will I do when it gets below zero?!? I am very concerned about this.

Fibromyalgia beats me up often. I’d call the cops but they got no remedy. Look, you have to try to have some sort of sense of humor when dealing with something so permanent and debilitating. If I didn’t try to have some sort of humor some of the time I would go nuts.

I have been having very bad headaches for over two weeks now. The headaches are the reason I went into to see my doctor in the first place besides getting refills on my scripts. They are not the same type of headaches I use to get. I have always gotten migraines. They started when I was a kid and never stopped. I have just dealt with them until I got on topamax. That medicine given to me for my tumor pain seemed to have helped with keeping the migraines at bay. Well, until now.

I was getting dizzy spells with them which was pretty scary. The ear infection seems to be the reason for the dizziness. That has subsided. I still however keep getting the headaches. They start out just bothersome. They just linger around. It feels like my entire head is in a vice and at any second someone is going to tighten it and that is when the shooting pain comes. The shooting pain brings the migraine full force. I have the lingering pain everyday. It starts usually after I have been out of bed for a couple of hours. I have no idea what is triggering this.

My doctor said if they still hung around when I came back in December she’d do a scan of my head to make sure things were ok up there. I really think it might be linked to my sinuses somehow. I’ve had problems since high school.

I weighed in there of course and almost had a heart attack! I just don’t know wtf to do about my weight. I can’t exercise due to the tumor, and the diet shit just doesn’t seem to be enough. It seems that when I hit age 30 my body said fuck you bitch the pounds are not going anywhere! I have to figure something out very soon though or I will end up in a place I don’t want to be in…a place I can’t live in…

Friends and family say things like, “You don’t look big.” Or “You’re tall and the weight looks good on you.” And “You look healthy with the weight on.”

Sometimes I feel like screaming. “I AM FUCKING FAT AND 30 POUNDS OVER WEIGHT! HOW IS THAT HEALTHY FOR MY BODY AND BACK?” but I don’t scream. I bite my tongue and say yeah I guess you are right. I don’t want to hurt them. I know they mean well. I know they probably believe the things they tell me. They just don’t understand the situation I am in. Truly they don’t get it. I don’t think anyone understands it but me. This is something I am alone in.

My husband gives me advice like, “Drink water. Stop eating candy and snacks.” That is GREAT advice but one of those I can’t take. I have changed on the snacking, chips, and candy. That is pretty much over. Water however won’t happen. I can’t drink water. I know that I should cut out the small amount of soda I drink. That will help a little I guess. It is empty calories I am taking in. I hate diet soda so I won’t switch to that. I am afraid to just stop drinking it due to caffeine intake. Without a certain amount of caffeine my headaches get worse. I drink more coffee then I do soda though.

This is a dilemma I have to get a hold on. It is really dragging me down with depression and stress. I am becoming compulsive over it.

My muscles have been burning, aching, and I wake up everyday stiff as a board. If it weren’t for my lyrica I couldn’t make it through my day. It really has been a great drug for me. If you are suffering with FMS and haven’t been given lyrica perhaps you should ask your GP to try it out. It might make your days a little easier.

I have been on lyrica for a year now and it doesn’t help completely with every symptom but it certainly has made more days easier then it was before I was on it.

Well until next time, take care and thanks for reading along.