Category Archives: marriage

There has to be a better way!

couple

You live a life that is a total lie. What has he ever done for you? Think it over. You’ve showed him love and support. He’s gone out on you. Doesn’t it feel like it’s over? You sit and pretend he’s a great guy to have. You know the truth. He’s a dog. He’s a liar. He’s a cheat. Hasn’t it been over for a long time? Think it over. Sure he’s done some pretty nice things in the past. Everyone is bound to do some nice things in their lifetime. He doesn’t really care. Face the truth. He doesn’t care. If he cared it wouldn’t feel like it’s over. If he cared he wouldn’t be a dog, he wouldn’t lie, he wouldn’t cheat. You wouldn’t be lonely sitting there thinking, there has to be a better way.

You’re comfortable, you’re familiar, you’re afraid. These things are natural. Now you should snap out of it! Think it over. You’ve loved him unconditionally. You’ve been faithful and been there through thick and thin. What has he done? He tells you what to do. Makes a fool of you! It isn’t fair. He really doesn’t care. You are living a lie. Look what he puts you through. Doesn’t it already feel like it’s over? Think it over. There is a better way!

Would You?

If I were to die tonight
Could you possibly know?
The love I feel for you
So right
If I were to die in my sleep
Would you know?
You’re the only one I wanted to keep
So tight
If I were gone by the morrow
Would you know?
Could you know?
How much I truly love you…
Even if I were gone

Summer 09 MN Childrens Museum 042

I Do, I Do

Tough moments crossed my mind today
I was hurting so bad I had nothing to say
The tears were all I had for you
I didn’t know what else to do
I wanted to shout that I loved you
I wanted to lay you down
I wanted to love you in ways I never have
I didn’t want to let you leave
I felt so alone inside
That is the moment I cried
You had to tell me good-bye
I had to wait ‘til nightfall
To show you the passion I have for you
Memories float
Whispers of I do
I do…I do…

Depression in a Relationship

My husband and I tried to talk last night. We didn’t get very far. I’m not surprised. He wanted to talk about why I get upset when he goes out with his friends and I tried to explain to him. I should have just come out and said I am just fucked up.

I told him that a part of me gets jealous and resents him for having friends and a life outside the house. I told him all I do is stay home and take care of the kids. I have no friends anymore because I haven’t worked since 2005. I also told him having a chronic disability makes it hard to want to go out with people too. He said he should not have to put up with the attitude I get when he wants to go out. I agree but I didn’t say anything. A few moments later I told him that the only thing I’m able to do right now that gets me out of the house is shopping.

Of course shopping is a problem because he thinks I spend too much. Usually I don’t but this past month I certainly did so I won’t be shopping for a while. Anyway, we started talking about me going out to shop. I told him it isn’t fair for him to put it in my face what I spend on groceries, and our kid’s stuff they need when he goes and spends money going out with his friends. It just ended up being a small argument and I just stopped talking. What the fuck is the point.

I know it isn’t my husband’s fault that I’m disabled. I know it isn’t his fault I have no friends right now. I know I shouldn’t be pissed at him or jealous that he has a life outside our home. I am though. I am just fucked up I guess.

Lyrica has been a wonderful drug for me. It has even helped with the tumor pain! I am feeling good enough to want to go out and enjoy life again but I can’t because I have no friends. Where do I begin to meet people again with my situation? I thought maybe the coffee shop…but what would you say to someone? I don’t want to meet parents of my kids friends- I don’t want to list the reasons why right now either- some other time I’ll tell you about that.

I fix myself up now because I feel good taking this lyrica but I am beginning to think what the fuck is the point on that too…why even fucking bother??? I don’t go anywhere
Ah…I just need a huge change in my life I think…but what?

Hope you all had a good Easter if you celebrate it. I’m off the blog now to write some on my novel.

Until next time….
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JO