Monthly Archives: December 2019

I deserve that life

My entire life has been a roller coaster ride. I’ve been abused, beaten, lost, addicted, obsessed over my image, I’ve been strung out, strung along, taken advantage of, hurt so deeply it has been hard to breathe. I’ve also been a hero, I’ve saved kids from feeling alone, I’ve been blessed, I’ve been lifted up, I’ve been selfless and selfish, I’ve questioned my purpose, and I’ve ignored my purpose. I know my purpose is a light worker. It is my purpose to show the world that it is never too late to reconcile past mistakes, wasted time is not really wasted because going through the darkest times in my life taught me things only the tortured understand. Getting to the other side there is light. There is love. There is trust. There is loyalty. There is compassion. There is hope. In order to appreciate those blessings one has to know loneliness, hurt, betrayal, and hopelessness. Learning these lessons builds courage, strength, honor, compassion, and hope. I have one final test that the universe has given me. The final test to end toxic patterns from continuing to happen in my own life, but most of all my children’s life. These are generational patterns that just keep repeating over and over until someone stands up and says no more. I’m ready to do that now because I know what’s waiting for me on the other side of that. A true love waits for me that will lift me even further up than where I am now. A blessing other’s may not understand, but my soul knows that it waits, but I have to be whole, happy & spiritually elevated to be able to hold onto it. This true love will be a hard working man, he will be a leader, he will be compassionate with me and my children, he will love us unconditionally, and he will grow with us spiritually & protect us when needed, but gives us space to spread our wings. He will be a dreamer who makes his own dreams come true, but also helps makes dreams come true for others. He will stand in and father my children in the healthy way. This next test will be the final hurdle for me to get over…and I will. When I do get over this next hurdle a new life that I could have never imagined waits for me and my girls, and I deserve that life.