Daily Archives: Sunday, November 17, 2013
I think I am a pretty awesome person. I care about others. I take time out to show that I care about those in my life. I try very hard not to talk down about anyone who shows even the slightest attempt in being genuine. I have always been honest. If someone upsets me I let them know but I don’t carry that with me. I may have not perfected forgiveness but I’m better at it…..I go to work everyday dealing with tarlov cyst pain, nerve root tumor pain, fibro pain, heart pain, A.S pain…and manage to not rip anyone’s face off…
So tell me why do I still have people talking down about me? Talking about me in a negative way as if I were not a likeable person? Is there something I am not seeing? Am I wrong about being this awesome person I think I am…am I really just another asshole??
I had a superior at work comment to other coworkers that when I was taken out of my bus on an ambulance with my heart situation that quote, “knowing Rachel it is just a panic attack…” and I was actually told this after it happened, “If you think back on the day I am sure you can figure out what triggered that Rachel…” in actuality I ended up having a serious heart condition called chronic AF….I was upset, I was hurt by this but I was going to be the better person and let that go….THEN this same superior tells a coworker the reason I was not liked very well when I was first hired was due to my “personality” ….
First off confidentiality should have kept my health issue private and not the talk of shop with my superior and fellow coworkers….second what gives my superior the right to tell another coworker I wasn’t liked because my personality wasn’t good enough?? I find this VERY unprofessional…and total bullshit….because now I am thinking what have I done to deserve this type of treatment?
Am I being delusional about being so well liked? Loved? Respected? What have I missed that I’ve done to put this person in a place of such harsh talk behind my back? I am seriously debating on quitting the job. I mean I don’t need the job like most. I can easily just quit and start back on disability. I don’t want to because I do love the job…I love the students I drive…but I don’t feel I deserve this type of treatment from a superior.
My boss is a wonderful boss and I have not spoken to him about this yet…not sure I am going to…I mean the guy is dealing with so much bullshit from others that I know it is overwhelming on him…it has to be! I thought about not returning over this last summer but decided to return…and now I am seriously thinking maybe I should have just not returned….
Honestly I don’t think I deserve this at all. I mean I fight everyday to get up out of bed to go to work…and I show up with a smile, coffee for those I like from time to time…I buy lunches for the ones I care about…I work hard…I don’t call in or miss work…I am polite…I just don’t get it….I just don’t get it…
I’ve been told by some of my coworkers that I’m radiant, that I am ambitious, positive, caring, and beautiful….so what have I done to the superior that she thinks she can just talk the way she is with my fellow coworkers about my health situations….or my personality??? I mean does this mean she is targeting me in hopes I do leave…and if so WHY!? What the fuck have I done besides be honest….oh that is it…
I called her out on some bullshit she tried over the radio…she can’t handle being called out on her bullshit I guess….so where does that leave me? Well I’m a peon on the ladder…she is my superior…I’m thinking it might be time to take my leave….I am seriously mulling my options right now….trying to clear my head and think about this decision logically….and NOT emotionally…this takes me a little while….first I need to decide on whether I tell my boss….