Crashing Me


My nightmare is my own

There isn’t a place you belong

It is in my mind

And it never ends

It numbs my core

But not before

Not before I’m crashing

Crashing into the wall

Paying myself back

Paying me back for it all

All the fucked up things I’ve done

All the hurtful things I’ve said

All the weight from everyone I’ve carried

Some things don’t belong

Something is wrong

The way you speak to me

The way it repeats

Yeah it repeats

I’ll carry that like a disease that has no cure

It will linger on forever

Until I’m crashing

Crashing into a wall

Paying myself back for it all

Then words will fall

“I’m all fucked up inside

And you don’t understand

You want control and you want to be the man

But you don’t live inside my head

You don’t feel the urge to want to be dead

Or the urge to walk out on everything

Because I feel caged even with you not around

But you make it feel like suffocation

Your presence suffocates me

Because I will NEVER be what you want me to be

I have no energy to explain to you

I use it up to fight my mind

The war raging inside

That you don’t seem to understand

Because maybe..just maybe…

You are the man

You’re all fucked up inside

Living life based on a safe mind

You have no flooding emotions

That drowns you out

You’re lucky to have a quiet mind

You have no fight inside..

No battlefield of planted landmines

You can feel things you’re supposed to feel

You can keep what’s real

And I can’t understand that

Because I’m not the man

I’m a shell of who I use to be

Guess you shouldn’t have married me…

Because I have to be free

I have to feel free

You just can’t see

I’m crashing me…”

About JustOrdinary

Hello my name is Rachel…around here I’m best known as Just Ordinary. I created this blog page to share pieces of my life with you, the reader, also to share my projects, and writings. This blog page I have created is a collection of realty and fiction. Not everything I write pertains to me or my life.

Posted on Saturday, December 1, 2012, in depression, Journal Pages, life, Poetry, prose, thoughts, writing and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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