Dear Dad,

Here we go again…16 years…

I’m missing you badly. I just wish I could call. I have so much to say to you…so much has gone wrong. I need your fatherly advice. I need to hear your voice. I need you to tell me I know what to do…to myself stay true. I’m still broken inside dad…I don’t know what to do or how to repair what was stolen. I wish upon stars I see, hoping that magic exists…like in the fairy tales I read as a child…that the Lord above helps…temptation I need to resist. I look for ways to fill this void in bottles and self destructive ways…that I know would break your heart…but the world is so heavy on my shoulders dad…I can’t bear the weight much longer…I need to be stronger but lack the energy to sustain…it’s so deep…the pain.

Where have you gone? Do you have recollections of me? Have you been born again? Are you my pain? I thought I was winning the fight…I thought I gained insight…on who I was, where I wanted to be…then I looked into the mirror…I still don’t recognize “me”…

I would gladly die if I could have just one more day…just one more to hear you say…Rachel I love you…and you are going to be fine…try to look beyond…beyond the minuscule stuff…I raised you tough. Never carry the weight of others….

Dad you were a light in my world. A light that guided me through the darkest hours…and you have been gone for sixteen years and with thoughts of you still bring on tears. I’m still broken…for how long?

About JustOrdinary

Hello my name is Rachel…around here I’m best known as Just Ordinary. I created this blog page to share pieces of my life with you, the reader, also to share my projects, and writings. This blog page I have created is a collection of realty and fiction. Not everything I write pertains to me or my life.

Posted on Tuesday, November 13, 2012, in Death, depression, family, journal, Journal Pages, life, personal, thoughts. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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