Monthly Archives: February 2012

One Day (WARNING! Graphic!)

(Written and published 1998)

If you could see me now dear
The scars I carry, living fear
Of what I was, who I became
Every touch, I’m filled with shame
Fuck me! Go ahead, it is what you want
One day you’ll be dead
All this hate that fills my head
What a regret, you were in my life
For me to stay with you for so long, be your wife
Look at my face, the empty stare
The beast that you made
From a beauty so rare
Touch my used body, it is what you’ve always taken
A simple few moments, my sanity shaken
I could stab you a million times
Hear my hate filled rhymes?
Read these words as they were your last
Remember the nights, the pain you would cast?
One day you’ll be dead, all this hate inside my head
Why must you not have any pain?
With all I have to carry, the shame.
Your life so pulled together
Mine blows through the wind, tender as a feather
I fight to keep my mind at ease…
Forget your words, the ones that made me feel like a sleeze
“I need you. I want you. You’re my wife, do what you should!”
Screaming inside, I hate you, if only I could
Snap your neck, stop your sexual game…
Then laugh in your face, you’d understand
You make me insane!
You bastard!!
You were only full of lies and torment
Listen to these cries, your contempt
Just thoughts of you, devastate the mental frame
I want to cast you to hell, let you finally taste the flame
One day you’ll be dead, hear all this hate within my head?
Not any other woman will you be able to lay in your filthy bed!

Bound Chains

Emancipate me from these chains
Loosen the grip, you’ve nothing to gain
Let me live, a life I could adore
My angel, I’m rotting to the core
Enchanting beauty from a raging heart
You hold me tight, shall I be released?
On the side of lost and bound…
remove these chains that still surround

I’m exposed to you, what’s behind your eyes
All of your promises, a pact of lies!
Shall I die, chains within my grave?
Endow my pleasure, for pain I gave!

Oh, but old wounds bleed so deep
Tearing through my soul, haunting my sleep
Losing another warm embrace
to taste the tears of my disgrace
Alone, scarred, and shattered inside
Eyes reflect the faded life before it slowly died

An embodiment of all that I have lost
Constantly hounding me, drowning my thoughts
My angel, my love, my beautiful darkness
Please hold me close, and keep me from madness
Always in days of a deep cold descent
Forever in chains as the night falls into torment

Why did you leave me? Why have you gone?
You were my angel, and you left me alone…
Maybe those chains became a part of you
and now your once beating heart turns into stone

There has to be a way
to live another day
This can’t be true
what has happened to me, has happened to you

You’ve showered me with your anger and ignorance
Stabbed my heart with your hate and selfishness
You’ve shown me your cold heart with all your insolence
This has come to be…my loss of innocence

Emancipate me from these chains
Loosen the grip, you’ve nothing to gain
Let me live, a life I can adore
Any angel I’m rotting to the core

My Pillow

Something is broken
Cut open wide
You left me alone
and I know not why
The emptiness you left
Give me a moment to cry
Don’t wipe my tears now
Before you never tried

I’ll just roll over, let my pillow catch my tears
No matter how I weep you never seem to hear

Something is broken
Left lying on the floor
Insecure love
As you head out the door
You leave every night
Aching to the core
Our life together
I use to adore
Don’t try to fix my heart now
You never cared before

I’ll just roll over, let my pillow catch my tears
No matter how I weep, you never seem to hear

Something is broken
It will get repaired
Lost love, for you never really cared
You were never with me, now I’m prepared
Our life apart, at first made me scared
Don’t return, we’ve lost what we’ve shared

I’ll just roll over, let my pillows catch my tears
No matter how I weep, you won’t bother to hear

Tempting Evil

Your power
I’m in awe
Taste of death
From your moist breath
Quivering with anticipation
Heart beating from motivation
My bosom in your reach
My sweat on your tongue
My blood for sacrifice
I lie down
Defenseless against your charm
Intoxicated by chance of scorn
I’m addicted to the dark
The dark in your heart
I want to occupy that space
The emptiness there
comforts me in my need
Allow the chaos to feed
You need to rip me apart
From inside out
So I can feel alive
I can’t feel anything
and pretending is no fun
I will give what I receive
For a moment we’ll both feel free
Secluded in darkness we’ll be
You can’t ignore my call
Fulfill my soul
From grace we will fall
Love me in your hate
Let me be your fate
Allow me to soak with you
in the bitter spoils
I promise it won’t be dull

Your Mold Of Me

You once helped me find my way
I use to be tangled up in you
Where did you go?
Why did you have to lock yourself away?
Did I not stay the way you framed?
The image you created with your views
You warped me into a shell of a person
You placed me into a box
Happy as long as I wasn’t free
You once loved me whole
Now parts of me you want to change…
Holding my heart in pain…
Why did you go?
Where are you today?
I feel it’s time to go separate ways
I can never live in your cage
I’m dangerous holding onto rage
And I love myself more then you do
Once you smiled because of me…
Years passing the smile seems to have faded…
A look has been created that I hate
Your eyes hurt my soul
When you peer at me with resentment
This wasn’t part of the agreement
You use to be captivated by me…
Now you want to be free?
You use to lie beside me…
Though your body is there
The bed is empty and cold
What have I done to bring this on…
I broke your mold…
of me