Daily Archives: Monday, August 3, 2009

What Have I Done Mom?

I know I’m not who you want me to be
I’m not the perfect little girl
You’ve always wanted to see
So you pushed me away
Gave me emptiness to fill my grave
You’d send me to my room
When I just wanted to be around
What have I done mom?
You treated me like a disease
All I tried to do was please
Then one day I grew up
Became an adult of my own
I left home with battle scars
Some given out by you
Yet I flourished and grew
What have I done mom?
I just wanted a mom
I just wanted to be loved
I only wanted to be an image of you
An image I created within my minds eye
during all those nights I’d cry
So I built a wall so high
Even the best soldier couldn’t climb
I hated you inside my head and in my rhythms
Then one day I grew more
Eventually I let your misery go
I continued to grow
Now you want me back
You feel guilt from all those years
Now you’re the one crying the tears
I no longer have a room in my life for you
The empty hole you left in my heart
Is covered in a scar, nothing new
Even with all this said
Inside I’m not completely dead
I’ll give you what you couldn’t give to me
I still love you

Satan At My Souls Door

firewalk

The devil knocks at your soul
What more can you do?
The lock is missing on the door
He invites himself in
Allowing you to hate yourself enough
That it makes you numb inside
Amazingly it silences your cry

As you steam over the hate
Steam over the hurt of past pains
He brings you down from grace
It’s so slow, the way he works, the pace
You never even notice he’s here
Looking over your shoulder as you write
Telling the world how lonesome you are
How much pain you have bottled up
How you want to even a score
He’s made you his own little whore

He’s become the puppet master
Changing you inside
Soon you’ll have no where to hide
Satan wants your soul
Where do you think you can go?
Heaven can’t hear your cry
Overwhelmed by all your sighs
You’re letting him win this game
It’s an evil you can’t begin to tame

He will eat up your love
Spit out your empathy
Grab at your soul
Laugh at the end of the show
Because your faith was weak

Why Me?

She’s been longing for that answer.
Something she’s been searching for
It’s been years passing and nothing
A blank page with no clues
What has she done, has she paid her dues?
Lonely fills the darkened room
As she clutches onto her last piece of hope
It is the only way she knows how to cope
She’ll continue to think nothing is wrong
She’ll pray to a God that might not be listening
She shunned him years ago
No wonder it feels as though he let her go
She’s been longing for inner peace
Some sort of final release
Of past pain and emptiness
She just can’t seem to shake
She’s alone in a darkened room
Still no clues
What has she done, hasn’t she paid her dues?
Life has been waiting for her
Yet she’s unable to enjoy living
She’s stuck with all the misgivings
She’s lacked the light at the end of the tunnel
She views things through a funnel
Small and worthless is how she feels
She can’t see the shimmer in her own soul
Constantly looking for a place to go
The struggles in her past
Still haunt her to this day
She fights the urge to run away
Doesn’t want the world to see her scars
They must stay a secret of hers
It is a way to control the punishment she thinks she deserves
A blank page she holds in her hands
No hope, answers or clues
What has she done, hasn’t she paid her dues?
She’s been longing for an answer to….
Why me?

A to Z List Inspired by another “Things to Be Thankful For”

This list was inspired by Polka Dots Are Pretty

My A to Z List

Armin

Butterflies

Courtney

Devotion

Equality

Family

Girlfriends

Hot tubs

Inspiration

Jokes

Kylie

Living

Music

Naps

Opportunity

Pure water

Quiet

Rain

Stars

Toddlers

Ultrasounds

Violins

Wedding bells

Xrays

Youth

Zebras