Monthly Archives: July 2009

The war continues- War on Fibromyalgia

I have not posted in a while. I’ve been having a rather rough time personally. I’m not sure what is going on with my fibromyalgia. I thought that when summer finally came I’d be a lot better but I’m not really. Sure I have more good days then bad compared to the MN winter I face but I still feel terrible. I seriously want to move, I have secretly wanted to move since beginning of last winter but never told my husband. I figured we couldn’t go anywhere because of his job. Now I’m starting to think we are going to have to move or I’m going to die earlier in life. Seriously I feel absolutely terrible. I feel like death is around the corner for me if I stay in this cold ass state.

My intolerance to sound has gotten worse. I’m always trying to tell my kids to be quiet. I feel terrible for that because they’re kids! How can you tell a kid to be quiet I mean it is almost impossible to expect that from them but I still attempt to tell them to stay as quiet as possible. My intolerance to light seems to be getting worse too. My eyes water constantly from it, and then itch like crazy. Must be allergies I have no idea.

I haven’t slept worth a damn in months now. I hurt so badly. The pillow even hurts to lie on. That has never been a problem for me until recently. I’ve had to wake up to take pain meds in the middle of the night because my bones are killing me. My wrist, my hip, knees, you name it, and I hurt all over from lying on the bed. It is insane I tell you!

I’m taking my topamax for the nerve tumor and migraines except I am still getting migraines every so often. I’ve been dealing with a migraine for two days now. I’ve even gotten so desperate I’ve started drinking water!!! Now for me that is pretty damn desperate. I hate water, I don’t drink water, but I am at my wits end here and don’t know what else to do. I could go back on my lyrica, and cymbalta but the side effects are just too much for me to take with this nerve tumor I have. I’m trying my hardest to manage my FMS symptoms without the meds until at least winter! Can’t I at least be at ease until winter from this nasty chronic monster fibromyalgia?

The lyrica and cymbalta put way too much weight on me to carry for my back. It increases pain and pressure on the tumor I have and adds to the bathroom problems, and pain shooting down my leg, which interferes with my ability to WALK! Man I am so fucked up for a 31-year old woman! I’ve had these problems since 22 L

My husband had mentioned that maybe we should move after his dad’s gone since nothing is really keeping us here. I jumped at the idea and said I totally agree. I said we should go south. I was thinking South Carolina, but he was thinking Indiana. I was thinking beach and seafood. He was thinking he loves the Midwest. Well I’ve done some looking around in the job area, real estate area, schools, and weather. I’m now happy with the very south end of Indiana. The Kentucky boarder section of Indiana is where I’m happy to go. I hope he is serious about this move because I am SO ready to leave this blizzard ice-cold state in the future. I have to move somewhere warmer for my health and I’d hate to have to put up an ultimatum.

It is a big change but it will be best for my entire family I think. If I feel better, they’ll be taken care of better. Insurance, job, schools and all that can all be worked out. Lets hope I’ll be blogging from southern Indiana sometime in the future.

As of right now I have to go because my head is splitting in two! Until next time…
ATT000034

The Storm With You Gone

I feel the storm brewing inside
Thunder rolling, deep in my heart
I’ll try not to cry
I just want to get by

Hide my face away
So no one sees my ache
Everyone will know
I’ll barely survive today

I don’t know what to say
Except I feel so lonely with you gone
I feel alone
Such a deep void

There’s a storm brewing inside
Thunder rolling, angst in my heart
My soul longs to cry
I just have to get by

There is no fighting the urge
My eyes purge
The pain is too much to keep
The rains stream down my cheeks