The scare of cancer, I quit smoking…
I have finally decided to quit smoking again. This will be the third time thus far I’ve attempted to quit smoking since I started over 15 years ago. This time I am determined to be successful. I will be asking my doctor to put me on Chantix this time to help me with the cravings. Eventually I will kick this habit, lets hope it is this time around before cancer comes and bites me in the ass like it has done so much of my family.
Most of my readers know that I lost my dad in 1996 of lung cancer, I lost a very close aunt in 2005 from ovarian cancer, I never knew 3 of my grandparents due to them dying from cancer before I was even created. Most of my readers know that I also have an aunt now fighting for her life, ovarian cancer.
A week ago my husband and I had quite a scare. We received a call from my father n law and he was told that he had pancreatic cancer, spots on the liver and a shadow on the lung. I was terrified for him, my husband, for my eldest daughter and for myself on handling the battle ahead. I immediately started researching all I could about pancreatic cancer and that just panicked me even more. Over that following weekend I cried, thought about it all, read tons of information and smoked like a freight train. I thought about things like how was I going to break the news that her opa was going to die? How was I going to be strong enough to help my husband through it? I thought about my youngest girl not knowing her opa. (Opa is grandpa in German) My husband and I decided not to say anything to our daughter until we knew more. Of course knowing more when dealing with cancer is the length of time estimated to live, what course of treatment would be offered, what stage has the cancer reached. I knew all this from tons of sad experience from losing my dad.
A week went by and it was horrible for all of us thinking he was done for. He got in to the doctor to get more information and they tell him something that surprised me and confused me greatly. The doctor said he didn’t have any cancer!
What a relief! It felt like the world was lifted off my shoulders. I had decided in the middle of the week that I would quit smoking before we got the clear for my father n law. I know that if I don’t quit it will be cancer that kills me. My risks are way too high to even think I would avoid cancer if I kept smoking. I am prone to it by genes.
Today was the first day. Successful too. I had one bad craving in the day, but I got through it. I see the doctor next week, and I will have her give me Chantix to help my odds of staying a non-smoker this time. I’ll be damn lucky not to get cancer after all the years I’ve polluted my body!
I’ve gone off my lyrica and when I go to the doctor next week I plan on making her give me something new. It is making me sleep all the time now for some reason. That will get straightened out too. The pain has been pretty damn bad but it won’t be forever.
Until next time…
Posted on Friday, March 6, 2009, in Death, family, Fibromyalgia, health, journal, Journal Pages, life, medical, medicine, personal, thoughts and tagged cancer, Death, family, health, journal, life, lyrica, medical, medicine, personal, smoking. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.