Monthly Archives: March 2009

Pancreatic cancer leaves weeks maybe months to live…

We went and visited my father n law. He doesn’t look good to me. I don’t know if it is because I know he is terminally ill with pancreatic cancer or if he really does look bad. Does that make any sense to any of you?

He has lost weight. He has lost a lot of weight if you ask me. His stomach is now looking extended and his pain isn’t easing. He was happy to see his grandbabies though and we all were happy to see him.

I spoke with him about hospice. I bought him some ensure and fresh fruits. He said he would talk to the doctor about hospice when it gets worse. I just wanted to make sure he’s taken care of and has little to no pain. I know from experience with my dad having cancer that they are great to have around.

I am trying to be strong for my oldest daughter and my husband. It is hard. I love my father n law very much. He has always treated me kind and accepted me from the very beginning without reservation. I could have been a psycho woman coming into his home when I got with his son but he accepted me immediately as family. I’ve always looked at him as my father in a way. We may have had minor disagreements through the years but who hasn’t? That doesn’t change the fact that it will hurt me very badly to lose him too. I worry for my husband…his dad is what my dad was to me. My dad has been gone for 13 years and I still have a void in my heart.

I’m not sure when we’re going back over there to stay. I’m guessing within a few weeks. The doctor told my father n law he had weeks maybe months. That is not exactly what I wanted to hear. I was hoping the doctor would have said months maybe a year…

Please continue to pray for my family in this time of great sorrow. Maybe there is a miracle waiting for us…

Until next time….
Be safe!

Looks like end stage cancer…

I sat my daughter down today and gave her the news about her Opa. (German for grandfather) I was so scared to tell her and wasn’t sure how to even start but I got through it.

I told her that Opa has cancer and is very sick. I explained to her that most people with cancers die and that Opa will eventually die. She asked for the date and I told her the time is unknown. I told her that it is important to spend time with her Opa when we go there in the morning and to be sure to let him know that she loves him. She asked if he had the same cancer that my dad had. I almost broke down in tears. I knew she asked this out of fear that Opa will one day be gone like my dad is gone. I have always been honest about my dad’s death with her and let her know that the smoking is what gave him the cancer. I hope this deters her from smoking in the future. I told her that my dad had lung cancer and Opa has pancreatic cancer.

We leave in the morning to spend a few days with him. My girls will be happy to see him and he’ll be happy to see them too. I want to pick up some ensure for him and buy some fresh fruits when we get there. I know these two things will help with weight, and energy from my experience with not only my dad but also my aunt Eve.

Please pray for us and that his time left will be enjoyable as possible with no pain and suffering. Pray for me to be the rock I need to be too please. God bless you my readers, and be safe.

FNL- it is pancreatic cancer…

Well I don’t know how doctors can get away with what they’ve put our family through. The first time my father n law was told he had cancer in the pancreas, spots on his liver, and a shadow on his lung. For a week we cried, and worried about the outcome of it all. I researched all I could to learn about pancreatic cancer. For one whole week we went through hell of worrying then he was told it wasn’t cancer!

I was so happy to hear that it was a mistake they made on diagnosis and that it could just be pancreatitis.

Another week went by and his pain got worse and ended up being sent to the hospital for tests from the doctor who thought it could have been pancreatitis. The tests came back and he was told again it was pancreatic cancer. He was told it has gone to his liver. So again we’re in hell of worrying what the future holds, or how long we have left with him.

How can a doctor get away with this shit? Tell a man he’s dying, then say he is ok but in the end be the one to tell him it is indeed cancer. Isn’t there a rule they follow in ethics that you don’t diagnose a person with any type of cancer until it is 100% known so that they prevent these types of incidents?

It is grim. We haven’t told my oldest daughter. I don’t know how to even begin to tell her that her Opa is going to die. It will be so devastating for her. I hope I am strong enough to be there for her and my husband. It will be so difficult for him to let his dad go….

I just pray God gives me the strength to get through this for my family. I’m the one who needs to be the rock here…how do you tell an eight-year-old, news like this?

Health Update and Lotion causing cancer? Check your household stuff!

I went into my doctor and forgot all about asking for Chantix. I am still a non-smoker. It is tough. I think about them constantly but I have not broke down.

She ordered an abdomen ct scan to be done to check out the pain I’ve been having on my lower left side. Turns out I have diverticulosis. This could pose a problem in the future if I don’t keep things moving. Right now I am safe from infection but I must take steps to insure that future infections don’t happen.

Diverticulosis is pouches inside your intestines usually created due to constipation. Infection can set in these pouches and cause some serious problems if not watched over. The best thing to do is increasing your fiber and make sure things are moving properly.

She decided to up some other meds I have instead of putting me back on the lyrica for now. We’ll see in a month how that does. The fibromyalgia pain has been pretty bad and I can hardly do my daily things right now but at least I am not sleeping all day. My husband has had to take over doing laundry for the time being and most of the time he has had to do the dishes. I am hoping in a couple weeks the increase in the other meds will help lower my pain level so that I can do some of my daily chores around the house.

The topamax increase might help with my headaches. I don’t even know why they have shown back up suddenly with a vengeance. We’ll see how it does.

I was shocked to hear about skin lotions containing chemicals known to cause cancer the other day! I had to go through all my items and 90% of what I had in the house had to be thrown out due to being such a high risk of causing cancer. You can check your own items at this link SkinDeep

I found out that most of the stuff I had been using on my baby girl was very high rated. Johnson’s baby lotion and baby baths! I was infuriated, and I still am. I would like to know how they can get away with putting that shit into stuff we use daily? The chemicals are known for fact to cause cancer and other ailments like deformities, learning disabilities and some other stuff. The products don’t even have to warn us about these chemicals being inside the product. Looks like we all have to get irate and hold them accountable just like we had to with the makeup industry.

Sometimes I wonder to myself why even quit smoking when all the other crap out there is causing cancers left and right without even warning us. Sometimes I wonder what is the point trying to avoid cancer? There seems to be no way to avoid it these days with all the shit they put in our food, lotions, shampoos, prescriptions, etc.

My head is starting to hurt now so I have to go. Have a safe evening.

The scare of cancer, I quit smoking…

I have finally decided to quit smoking again. This will be the third time thus far I’ve attempted to quit smoking since I started over 15 years ago. This time I am determined to be successful. I will be asking my doctor to put me on Chantix this time to help me with the cravings. Eventually I will kick this habit, lets hope it is this time around before cancer comes and bites me in the ass like it has done so much of my family.

Most of my readers know that I lost my dad in 1996 of lung cancer, I lost a very close aunt in 2005 from ovarian cancer, I never knew 3 of my grandparents due to them dying from cancer before I was even created. Most of my readers know that I also have an aunt now fighting for her life, ovarian cancer.

A week ago my husband and I had quite a scare. We received a call from my father n law and he was told that he had pancreatic cancer, spots on the liver and a shadow on the lung. I was terrified for him, my husband, for my eldest daughter and for myself on handling the battle ahead. I immediately started researching all I could about pancreatic cancer and that just panicked me even more. Over that following weekend I cried, thought about it all, read tons of information and smoked like a freight train. I thought about things like how was I going to break the news that her opa was going to die? How was I going to be strong enough to help my husband through it? I thought about my youngest girl not knowing her opa. (Opa is grandpa in German) My husband and I decided not to say anything to our daughter until we knew more. Of course knowing more when dealing with cancer is the length of time estimated to live, what course of treatment would be offered, what stage has the cancer reached. I knew all this from tons of sad experience from losing my dad.

A week went by and it was horrible for all of us thinking he was done for. He got in to the doctor to get more information and they tell him something that surprised me and confused me greatly. The doctor said he didn’t have any cancer!

What a relief! It felt like the world was lifted off my shoulders. I had decided in the middle of the week that I would quit smoking before we got the clear for my father n law. I know that if I don’t quit it will be cancer that kills me. My risks are way too high to even think I would avoid cancer if I kept smoking. I am prone to it by genes.

Today was the first day. Successful too. I had one bad craving in the day, but I got through it. I see the doctor next week, and I will have her give me Chantix to help my odds of staying a non-smoker this time. I’ll be damn lucky not to get cancer after all the years I’ve polluted my body!

I’ve gone off my lyrica and when I go to the doctor next week I plan on making her give me something new. It is making me sleep all the time now for some reason. That will get straightened out too. The pain has been pretty damn bad but it won’t be forever.

Until next time…

Be safe
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