Daily Archives: Thursday, January 15, 2009
Today I got a call from someone and they informed me that my oldest brother and his ex-wife are back together. The woman who called me had been with my brother for over 14 years.
The circumstances surrounding her and my brother’s relationship were hard for my family for a while so it took some time for her to be accepted into the family by some members. She was the other woman regarding the affair my brother had on his ex-wife.
The other woman I am referring to became apart of our family and even though it took some time she grew pretty close and attached to some of us. The question is how do we go forward now? She never married my brother, never had kids with him, but spent over 14 years with him.
I hated her at first. I was so angry that she slept with my brother who I put up on a pedestal. This all happened when I was just a teenager so you can imagine how emotional I was over this let down. I have always had this strong standing against married people having affairs. I think it is the worst thing to ever do and I don’t understand it. I was so passionate about (The passion about that hasn’t changed even at age 30) that so I refused to even think about this other woman being with my brother at that time.
My sister n law was crushed. The other woman was her best friend since middle school. My sister n law was like a sister to me. I loved her with all of my being, and that hasn’t changed even with things that have happened and changed over the years. I have thought about her all the time wondering about how she’s doing. (I will have to explain the estrangement of that relationship some other time or later on in this post)
Watching my sister n law go through this heartache made my passion against infidelity grow even stronger of course. Eventually my brothers’ marriage ended in divorce. My brother ended up staying with the other woman. He never stopped loving his ex-wife and he made that clear through the years. She was the one who filed for the divorce and he decided to give her what she wanted.
So, time passes by and my brother is living his life with the other woman D. His ex-wife A remarries a man and moves on. Finally, 12-14 years pass by and BAM things start changing. D moves out and my brother is on his own now. A, the ex-wife, files for divorce from her husband and tells my brother that she never stopped loving him…etc, etc.
R, my oldest brother, obviously is ecstatic about it and tells her to move in with the girls. (The girls are his kids by the way) She moves in with the kids. When I hear the news I am excited about it. I have to hold it back from D, the other woman, because I don’t want to crush her more then she is already. Deep down I think she knows I’m really happy about it. She has to know. She knew how I felt about A, the ex-wife, all these years.
I need a smoke break…
It has to be strange on the kids they are all grown up basically now. The oldest is 21, the next one is 17, and the youngest is I believe 13 or so. It will be strange on the rest of our family too for a little while too. Strange for me a little but boy am I so happy about the news. A, the ex-wife, is the only one I wanted back as a sister n law. I never wanted her to be out of our family. I even loved her family.
I know things won’t be the way they use to be…
Or will it? No, that is wishful thinking. I probably won’t have the close relationship with her like I did then…but boy wouldn’t that be nice?
I am planning on writing her a letter and sending it via my brother. I am going to do that tonight even though I should go get some sleep. I have so much I want to tell her that I haven’t been able to over the years.
Today was a good day with getting the news even though a heart was broken. A family was partly put back together and my dad would be so happy. My dad loved her, and her name is Angie. My dad loved her like a daughter. She was the one who had the talk with me about where babies came from…(chuckling to myself) I had asked my dad like I did with everything and he wasn’t sure what to say so he said well Angie will tell exactly where babies come from. She was so embarrassed I imagine. She did it though. She gave me the talk and over time my relationship with her grew very deep. She was a sister I never had, and she was a second daughter my dad never had. My dad loved her indeed. She went with us when dad took me to get my first dog, Bitz. Boy I’ve missed that relationship with her over the years. I regret burning that bridge and it is the only bridge I regret burning over the years.
I wonder if now, there will be a second chance, to attempt to rebuild that bridge somehow? I think I want to try. Really I do. Time to start with step one…the letter.
Until next time…
Be careful the bridges you burn