The Abusive Relationship of Fibromyalgia (*Some strong language*)
This is a relationship I can’t leave. I will have FMS for the rest of my life. I have nerve damage that doctors believe brought on my severe case of FMS so the future does not look bright for me getting rid of this illness.
I had to see my doctor a week ago. She increased my dose of cymbalta hoping it will help with pain. I go back in December to give her an update on how it has done. I found out I have an ear infection again too. Strange but hopefully the antibiotic will take care of that and my sinus problem.
Oh how I am dreading winter coming. I have so many bad days so far and it isn’t even winter yet! It has only been down to the 20’s and 30’s for low temps here. If I can’t handle that what will I do when it gets below zero?!? I am very concerned about this.
Fibromyalgia beats me up often. I’d call the cops but they got no remedy. Look, you have to try to have some sort of sense of humor when dealing with something so permanent and debilitating. If I didn’t try to have some sort of humor some of the time I would go nuts.
I have been having very bad headaches for over two weeks now. The headaches are the reason I went into to see my doctor in the first place besides getting refills on my scripts. They are not the same type of headaches I use to get. I have always gotten migraines. They started when I was a kid and never stopped. I have just dealt with them until I got on topamax. That medicine given to me for my tumor pain seemed to have helped with keeping the migraines at bay. Well, until now.
I was getting dizzy spells with them which was pretty scary. The ear infection seems to be the reason for the dizziness. That has subsided. I still however keep getting the headaches. They start out just bothersome. They just linger around. It feels like my entire head is in a vice and at any second someone is going to tighten it and that is when the shooting pain comes. The shooting pain brings the migraine full force. I have the lingering pain everyday. It starts usually after I have been out of bed for a couple of hours. I have no idea what is triggering this.
My doctor said if they still hung around when I came back in December she’d do a scan of my head to make sure things were ok up there. I really think it might be linked to my sinuses somehow. I’ve had problems since high school.
I weighed in there of course and almost had a heart attack! I just don’t know wtf to do about my weight. I can’t exercise due to the tumor, and the diet shit just doesn’t seem to be enough. It seems that when I hit age 30 my body said fuck you bitch the pounds are not going anywhere! I have to figure something out very soon though or I will end up in a place I don’t want to be in…a place I can’t live in…
Friends and family say things like, “You don’t look big.” Or “You’re tall and the weight looks good on you.” And “You look healthy with the weight on.”
Sometimes I feel like screaming. “I AM FUCKING FAT AND 30 POUNDS OVER WEIGHT! HOW IS THAT HEALTHY FOR MY BODY AND BACK?” but I don’t scream. I bite my tongue and say yeah I guess you are right. I don’t want to hurt them. I know they mean well. I know they probably believe the things they tell me. They just don’t understand the situation I am in. Truly they don’t get it. I don’t think anyone understands it but me. This is something I am alone in.
My husband gives me advice like, “Drink water. Stop eating candy and snacks.” That is GREAT advice but one of those I can’t take. I have changed on the snacking, chips, and candy. That is pretty much over. Water however won’t happen. I can’t drink water. I know that I should cut out the small amount of soda I drink. That will help a little I guess. It is empty calories I am taking in. I hate diet soda so I won’t switch to that. I am afraid to just stop drinking it due to caffeine intake. Without a certain amount of caffeine my headaches get worse. I drink more coffee then I do soda though.
This is a dilemma I have to get a hold on. It is really dragging me down with depression and stress. I am becoming compulsive over it.
My muscles have been burning, aching, and I wake up everyday stiff as a board. If it weren’t for my lyrica I couldn’t make it through my day. It really has been a great drug for me. If you are suffering with FMS and haven’t been given lyrica perhaps you should ask your GP to try it out. It might make your days a little easier.
I have been on lyrica for a year now and it doesn’t help completely with every symptom but it certainly has made more days easier then it was before I was on it.
Well until next time, take care and thanks for reading along.
Posted on Thursday, November 13, 2008, in depression, Fibromyalgia, health, life, medical, medicine and tagged depression, Fibromyalgia, fms, health, life, lyrica, medical. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.