My Dearest Eve in Heaven
I have so much I want to say to you. I miss our phone calls. I think about you as much as I think about my dad. I miss you badly. I’ll sit out back and look upon the flowers I’ve planted and think about how much you loved flowers and at times I have to sit there in solitude with nature and cry over you being gone. I have two special plants in my yard in memory of you. I know you loved hollyhocks so I planted a row along my house in memory of you and I also put out some mini sunflowers. I know you loved black-eyed Susan’s too so I kept the ones already planted on the side there. When I walk by all these flowers I will remember all our wonderful times I promise.
I still think of all the laughs we had Eve. You were so fun to be around and so easy to talk to about problems I had with mom. There are things I have to write to you that will break your heart most likely. It breaks my heart. H and M have nothing to do with mom now because of it all. I hardly speak to her because of it. She has no one left because of the choice she has made.
Eve, mom is seeing Tom now. She pretty much lives there. She says they are just friends but I don’t buy it. No one buys it. You probably see all this wherever it is you are. I’m so sorry Eve. I have tried to talk to her, plead with her, but I have been unsuccessful. I know you are gone but I still consider Tom your husband. I know when people die that others have to go on, but not with the sister. I just can’t accept what she’s doing.
I know that you knew I never liked Tom. I always thought he treated you like shit. You know he treated you badly for many years of your marriage and this is another reason I wish mom would just leave him alone but mostly because she is your sister. I just don’t get how she can do this.
God I miss you Eve. I’m listening to some Dixie Chicks right now. You loved them. You were right she sure does have an angels’ voice. It is so lonely at times with you gone Eve. I promise you I will carry you with me for the rest of my life like I carry my dad. I will never forget our times. I hope you are resting in peace.
Mom said she had a coat that you wanted me to have. She was supposed to have sent it but she hasn’t. I probably won’t get it. I am glad though you thought to leave me something. Eve I don’t need anything though to carry you with me. I don’t need the coat to remember you or to know how much you loved me or how much I loved you. I sure wish we had more time before you left.
I have another girl now. Yeah she is so beautiful Eve. She has my brown eyes! She has my brown hair! I named her Kylie Gayle. I think of how you loved Courtney so much. I can remember the smiles and laughter that the kids brought to you when you were here. I wish Kylie could have known you Eve. You were such a good woman. You were one of the few true honest women I’ve known in my life. I am so thankful you were there in my life. I am so thankful to have had you around. Do you know this? Did you know this before you left? I sure hope you knew this Eve.
I’m sorry that I’m crying so much right now Eve if you are looking over me. I know my tears are just pouring like a river. I can’t help it. I miss you so much!
Your funeral was beautiful Eve. H put you in the most beautiful outfit. You looked so peaceful lying there. I hope you heard me whisper in your ear as I pinned on that guardian angel. You will never be forgotten and you made me a better person being in my life. I hope you heard that then and I hope you read it now. It is so true. It does still seem like yesterday that you left even though it has been years already. That is the way it goes though I have noticed with loved ones that pass on. It really sucks but the ones left behind have to find a way to just go on day by day. That is what I do Eve.
Day by day I get my morning coffee, send my daughter to school, and I sit to drink from the cup. I think of you and all the mornings we drank cups of coffee together. Eventually I get up and just push myself to go on. Later in the day when the phone rings I think of you again. I’ll pause so cherish a memory of you and I again push myself to go on. I will write to you again. I will write to you like I write to my dad. I miss you two so much no words could even come close to explaining the void I feel with you two gone now.
I love you Eve. Keep my spot up there warm. We’ll see each other soon. Until then may you rest in peace.
Love your niece,
Posted on Tuesday, October 21, 2008, in Death, family, journal, Journal Pages, life, personal and tagged Death, family, journal, Journal Pages, life, personal. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.