What if it is Gallbladder cancer? Pancreas cancer? What if….

What if it turns out to be some sort of cancer? I have so much that runs in my family that it puts me at such a high risk of so many different types of cancer. Right now I am worrying about pancreas cancer. My grandmother was thought to have died from that. I go next week to get a few tests done but I am so damn scared they will come out very bad. Pancreas cancer survival is pretty much nonexistent. What if it turns out to be something like that, and my youngest daughter left without her mom? She is only a year old.

I only want enough time on earth to raise my girls. Really that is all I ask for from God for me. I can live on with pain, and find a way to adjust to being disabled, but please don’t leave my girls without me so young. Let me stay to raise them.

I smoke. I’ve smoked for over fifteen years now. I’ve quit twice. The first time I quit for a year and this last time I went for five months. The breaks mean nothing when you are bomb barded with cancer on each side of your family. The cancers that run in my family are liver, lung, pancreas cancer, and ovarian. My odds look bad by just putting that out there.

Now with the pain I’ve had on my upper right side under the rib cage that radiates to my back doesn’t bode well for me either if you want my honesty here. The fact that I am so damn stupid to have smoked for so long and continue to do so to this day baffles me.

I believe in prayer strongly. I believe in God wholeheartedly. I don’t fear dying I fear what I’ll leave behind that is left unfinished, like raising my two wonderful girls. I worry that if I do end up on the cancer list what will my husband do without me to take care of our girls? I sure hope God hears me right now as the tears drift down my cheeks. Please let this be a minor problem and keep me here to take care of my girls. PLEASE HEAR THIS ONE PRAYER FROM ME LORD.

I ask that all my cyber community support people put in a prayer for me too if you could. Please let this not be cancer.

About JustOrdinary

Hello my name is Rachel…around here I’m best known as Just Ordinary. I created this blog page to share pieces of my life with you, the reader, also to share my projects, and writings. This blog page I have created is a collection of realty and fiction. Not everything I write pertains to me or my life.

Posted on Friday, May 9, 2008, in Death, faith, family, health, journal, Journal Pages, life, medical, medicine, personal. Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. I just stumbled over here through tag surfer, and I can’t imagine the anxiety this must be putting you though. Stay strong, and try to remember that even those you don’t know are wishing you well.

  2. Don’t worry it will be nothing you’ll see. We’ll be praying for you.

  3. I too stumbled across this through tag surfer. I will be praying for you inspite of not knowing you, the Lord will do his will in this and bring every thing you are worried about leaving behind some day to completion. But until then, keep living and loving your family and not worrying about tomorrow but only today. Just because of the people the people in your family who have passed from cancer does not necessarily mean a pain in your side is cancer, that could truly be any thing. But if for some reason you do have cancer, the Lord does not give anybody any thing to large to handle. He gives certain situations to those who can and others to others for HE knows that some can handle certain things at a certain point in life and for others, different things as well. Be encouraged neighbor, pray as others are praying for you

  4. I will also hold you in my heart, my prayers and in the light. Please don’t be so hard on yourself either, my had pancreatic cancer and didn’t smoke, drink or go in the sun. Goddess bless you and your little one!

  5. it’s been a long time since i drop by. due to the fact that i am so depressed. something that lupus always do to me. i can imagine the anxiety. i too have anxiety attacks for the past few months.

    just keep the faith. everything will go smoothly. God is with you always.

    p.s. i come up with a new blog. can you link it up here in your blog ? thanks

  6. i have been searching the web about gall bladder symptoms, and from what u describe – it does not sound like cancer, but classical gall bladder pain. the good or bad news about cancer is that the pain is not usually a symptom in this instance.

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