Depression in a Relationship

My husband and I tried to talk last night. We didn’t get very far. I’m not surprised. He wanted to talk about why I get upset when he goes out with his friends and I tried to explain to him. I should have just come out and said I am just fucked up.

I told him that a part of me gets jealous and resents him for having friends and a life outside the house. I told him all I do is stay home and take care of the kids. I have no friends anymore because I haven’t worked since 2005. I also told him having a chronic disability makes it hard to want to go out with people too. He said he should not have to put up with the attitude I get when he wants to go out. I agree but I didn’t say anything. A few moments later I told him that the only thing I’m able to do right now that gets me out of the house is shopping.

Of course shopping is a problem because he thinks I spend too much. Usually I don’t but this past month I certainly did so I won’t be shopping for a while. Anyway, we started talking about me going out to shop. I told him it isn’t fair for him to put it in my face what I spend on groceries, and our kid’s stuff they need when he goes and spends money going out with his friends. It just ended up being a small argument and I just stopped talking. What the fuck is the point.

I know it isn’t my husband’s fault that I’m disabled. I know it isn’t his fault I have no friends right now. I know I shouldn’t be pissed at him or jealous that he has a life outside our home. I am though. I am just fucked up I guess.

Lyrica has been a wonderful drug for me. It has even helped with the tumor pain! I am feeling good enough to want to go out and enjoy life again but I can’t because I have no friends. Where do I begin to meet people again with my situation? I thought maybe the coffee shop…but what would you say to someone? I don’t want to meet parents of my kids friends- I don’t want to list the reasons why right now either- some other time I’ll tell you about that.

I fix myself up now because I feel good taking this lyrica but I am beginning to think what the fuck is the point on that too…why even fucking bother??? I don’t go anywhere
Ah…I just need a huge change in my life I think…but what?

Hope you all had a good Easter if you celebrate it. I’m off the blog now to write some on my novel.

Until next time….

About JustOrdinary

Hello my name is Rachel…around here I’m best known as Just Ordinary. I created this blog page to share pieces of my life with you, the reader, also to share my projects, and writings. This blog page I have created is a collection of realty and fiction. Not everything I write pertains to me or my life.

Posted on Monday, March 24, 2008, in depression, family, journal, Journal Pages, life, marriage. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I am sending you my thoughts and prayers. Be at peace…

  2. Thank you Enreal I need that. Appreciate you stopping by to read my rants 🙂 May peace be with you as well.


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