Non-Smoking Road & Healthcare Issues

I quit smoking! I have just started and I know it is a long road to travel. I quit once before for a year. Wondering why I started back? Well I’ll fill you in quickly. One of my aunts was battling ovarian cancer. Sadly she lost that battle. She died, and I had to go back home for the funeral. I went to Ohio as a non-smoker, but it was all too much. The stress of losing her and dealing with the whole ordeal broke me. I came back to MN as a smoker once again…

This time I plan to quit for good. They are like crack I don’t care what anyone tells you. It is the most addictive thing I’ve ever had in my life. I know that everyday I will think of them. I will think about holding them in my hand between my two fingers and how for some reason even though they tasted like shit, they pleasured me mentally. I know this is going to happen. Please God help me be strong to stay away from them this time!!

This time however I will remember my dad. I will remember him not being able to walk to the bathroom due to the cancer eating him away while it was in its last stage. I will remember his tired eyes, his lack of energy, his loss of appetite, and most of all I will remember his dying body skin tone of yellow. I will remember that the yellow was a sign his liver was on its way out of commission. I will think of my aunt who fought hard to survive her ovarian cancer. I will remember her moans of pain. I will remember her tears of fear. I will remember laying her to rest because of the cigarettes she smoked most of her life.

When times get tougher I will think of my aunt who is battling ovarian cancer now. I will say a prayer like I do everyday that she will be a survivor and I will NOT light that cigarette up! I will not give in to the temptation.

When it gets so unbearable that I am about to break down and buy a pack of those nasty murderous cigarettes I will stop and take a deep breathe. I will look at my two beautiful children and remember how it felt to see my dad gone with his youngest son not raised. I will remember what it felt like that dad wasn’t around to see my daughters. I will look at my two daughters and NOT LIGHT THAT CIGARETTE because I want to live as long as I can FOR THEM! I will win over the craving because I will turn to my husband and say to him, “Babe I want to smoke so bad but I’m not going to. Help me out.”

On another note…

It is pretty sad when you have health insurance but left to worry about whether you can afford the co-pays. It is tough being in the position where you have to choose the co-pay or groceries…

Sadly there are a lot of people in this same situation. Even more depressing of course are the people who don’t have insurance at all!

I take so many medicines for the tumor in my back and FMS. I am not refilling some of the medicines because quite frankly I can’t afford it at this time. One out of pocket cost for me on one medicine is $100.00 for only 30 pills! That specific prescription calls for me to take two pills a day so that is only a fifteen-day supply! $200.00 a month for just ONE of my medicines and that costs $2400.00 a year for that one medicine. Yeah pretty expensive and that is WITH INSURANCE!

Some people have given me advice about going on a different pill and this particular drug is the last chance to find hope for me and it actually works very well! I’ve tried tons of different pills in place of this one and they just didn’t work well at all. My brother told me to order the pills off the Internet from Canada. I’ll have to look into that.

Now I take seven different medicines. I just can’t afford to take all of these so I am left now with the decision about which ones can I not take everyday so that they can be stretched out. Insane! WTF! I am furious about it. Why are the medicines I need to help me continue to walk so damn expensive? What is wrong with our system?

I haven’t felt well that is why I haven’t been here to post in a while. I don’t feel good now but I was forced to scan a document and E-mail it so I figured I’d write this out while I was here….

I think I need to go lay under some warm blankets now. Have a great day.

Until next time…


About JustOrdinary

Hello my name is Rachel…around here I’m best known as Just Ordinary. I created this blog page to share pieces of my life with you, the reader, also to share my projects, and writings. This blog page I have created is a collection of realty and fiction. Not everything I write pertains to me or my life.

Posted on Monday, December 3, 2007, in Death, depression, family, Fibromyalgia, health, journal, Journal Pages, life. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. First of all I am so very sorry about the loss of your aunt and your fathe, and applaud your resolve to become a non-smoker. Hypnosis is a wonderful help if that is an option for you.
    Second, many pharmaceutical companies offer no cost medications for people who qualify. Have you looked into that route?

  2. Psychrcribe thank you for the comment. Yes I have back up plans if the cold turkey route doesn’t seem to be working. I am on my fifth day now…I think I can do it. If not I plan to get on Chantix for help. I am determined to become a non-smoker and hopefully live healthier and longer for my children.

  3. medicines really are expensive. there was a time when my meds eats up all my salary.

    i do hope you could find a way to take all those meds.

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