Monthly Archives: November 2007

Fibromyalgia and Depression

The day was gloomy. I could tell before I even opened the blinds in my room. I didn’t want to get out of bed today. I felt exhausted still even after sleeping nine hours. I loved being under those warm blankets on days like today. I wanted to crawl back under them before my feet even hit the floor. Today would be a day that the Fibromyalgia, and the depression controlled my life. You would think it wouldn’t be such a big deal. You would think, by now, I would be use to these sorts of days.

So, there I was sitting on the side of my bed in my pajamas. I had the palm of my hands on each knee sitting, trying not to break down into tears. I fought to get myself off the bed. I have two small children I have to take care of so staying in bed wasn’t a choice.

The baby ate and the oldest was still sleeping so I was hoping to catch a morning nap on the couch as the little one slept. The baby always takes a morning nap after she eats. On the weekends though I have to worry about my oldest being in bed still in order to get my morning nap. Today I was lucky I got a short morning nap.

Fast forward to the afternoon now.

I finally realized around one o’clock in the afternoon that I had better change out of my pajamas! So I forced myself back to the bedroom. It was a long walk back there today. I couldn’t wait to get dressed and get back on the couch. After I got dressed I thought that maybe a nice bowl of hot soup would help fight off the blues, and the fibromyalgia problems.

Yep, that is what I had for lunch, a nice hot bowl of grilled chicken soup. It didn’t help with the blues or the fibro. Yet again I found myself lying on the couch under a blanket fighting off chills, fighting off tears from the depression, and trying to conceal the pain I felt in my back from the tumor.

The depression I can get under control. I had to stop taking my cymbalta for a few days and now I am feeling the results of that. The fibro, when it is this bad, I am not sure what there is I can do. I just don’t have the energy to do heat therapy. Hell, I’m lucky to get out of bed on days like today!!

I have so much writing to catch up on it isn’t funny! I am behind on a horror story I started. I have stories to write on my fantasy fiction characters. I also have to finish my children’s book I have started. Someone send me some feel good days!

Well life was hard for me today, and hopefully tomorrow it will be better. Living with FMS, chronic pain because of my tumor and depression is not a whole lot of fun!

Noting a Strange Dream

It was a strange dream.

A bus pulled up and my brother didn’t get off. The driver started to shut the door again and I kept him from closing it and he said something to me but I can’t remember exactly what he said now. It was something like this, “I hope you don’t expect anyone else coming off this bus.” He said another kids name but I can’t recall what that was. I asked the driver where was he.

“Where is Chris?” I asked. “He just left.” The bus driver replied.

“What do you mean he just left? Just left what, where?”

Suddenly I was driving an old Grand Am and we were on these highways trying to get to the school my younger brother went to. My dad was with me. I felt motion sickness driving on these highways though strangely.

When we got closer to the school I didn’t recognize the area and wondered if it was even the right place. Dad told me to go in the back of the building that is where he would be. I felt like we were on a military mission. I felt like people were chasing us. Like I said a very strange dream.

When I got close to the school I could see it below the highway I was on and it was shaped like the pentagon, maybe a few differences. WTF!

Dad said you have to take the next exit and I told him I wasn’t sure we should go that way. I felt really scared at this point in the dream. I reach the exit off the highway and I was getting ready to take it. I looked over at dad looking over at me and I woke up.

American Made Dilemma! COME ABOARD AMERICANS!

It has been brought to many people’s attention that toys have been recalled on a massive scale from American stores. Many parents have taken it upon themselves to boycott China in attempts to keep their children safe. BRAVO! Although that is not the only reason people should be boycotting China it is one of the most important ones. China is not the only foreign place that Americans should be boycotting either.

We should not only be worrying about the welfare of our children but the future of our own economy. We need to support the people who provide our fellow Americans jobs. Support America by buying American. The best patriotism is to help our economy stay strong. If we don’t make products and have jobs what future do we have here in our own country for the children we are supposed to protect?

Christmas is coming upon us quickly. Before we know it the stores will be packed full of those bargaining shoppers thinking they are getting the best sales. Are they really getting the best sales though? What price are they really paying if it is indeed made in a foreign country? If you are one of those this is the price you pay…

You are supporting sweatshops that have no safety standards for workers in those foreign countries. They have no pay standards they have to meet. They have no place like OSHA to come in to protect them from hazardous waste. If you buy that item made in these other countries you are supporting the corporation here in the United States that has moved their company over seas to avoid taxes, and to make more profit off of the foreign country getting away with not having safety standards for the workers, or a set wage that is fair for those working in the factories. You are supporting a Corporation keeping a job away from a fellow American. You are putting your children and yourselves safety at stake because safety standards that we may have in our own country do not exist in other countries.

If anyone were at fault for the lead found in our toys it would be our own corporations. The reason I say this is because they know there is no safety standards set in these countries. The corporations put pressure on these countries to produce at the lowest cost in order to get the business. Of course a place like China is going to do what it takes to make the American CEO’s happy. They can’t afford to make them unhappy because they know that the American CEO would just move the business to another country like Indonesia, Taiwan, and Mexico. Those are just a few.

I have created a very short list of some places where you can get American made toys. If you are interested in other products like clothing, appliances, or something else there is a link at the bottom of the list that will have a place for you to go for all that information.

I hope Americans get smart this holiday season and boycott foreign made goods as much as we can! We have to rebuild our country and protect children and ourselves.

Roy Toy
Stack and Stick
Vermont Teddy Bear
Step Two
Camden Rose
Green Toys
Lauri Toys
Play Clay Factory
Zome Tools
Taurus Toy Block-n-Roll System
Dado Cubes
Kazoo Toys

Still Made In America

Until next time….


Heat Therapy & Writing Children’s Books

Well I have had a few good days. Needless to say my good days are not as good as I would like them to be but they are tolerable. I have been forcing myself to be as active as I can be given the situation I have with the tumor leaving me unable to do so many things I should be doing in order to keep me healthier.

I did one night of the deep heat therapy that I posted about a few days ago and boy that really helped me out. I will definitely do the tub thing again. I have a neck wrap I use also that helps relieve some of that burning aching I get in the neck and shoulder area too. My body is always on high alert due to the tumor attached to the nerve in my back so relaxing my muscles and nerves is a great challenge for me. I hope it gets easier on this road I plan on traveling.

As some of my readers know I am a fiction writer that also writes poetry. I have put up some of my rough work here. I have decided to attempt to write a children’s book series. I have my characters. I have the problems they all will face. I have the solutions to those problems. What I don’t have is the mentality of a six year old, which will be my targeted readers.

I sat down the other day and only got a paragraph and a half done and I couldn’t finish it for the life of me. I knew what I wanted it to say, I knew how I wanted it to end, and I just could not find the words that would have not exceeded a six year olds mind. It is harder then I thought it would be. I mean you read the books and they are simple. They are short. You think, “Well I can do that! No sweat! I have written novels before. Writing children’s books will be a simple task!”

(LOL)Let me tell you it has not been that way for me. For some reason I am having a hard time grasping it. It makes me feel so foolish too and discouraged because of what I have written in the past that has been very successful and satisfying. I am not giving up however! I have thought about taking a refresh course in writing for children. I had taken a course about six years ago when my oldest was just a baby but never moved forward at that time in writing children’s books. I feel now is the time for that.

This is a new chapter in my life. I have overcome many types of abuse. I have married a wonderful loving man. I have two wonderful children I’ve been blessed with. It is time to live in a happy world a little more then the fiction world of all the crap I’ve had to live. Not that I will quit writing my other stuff, absolutely not! Write what you know! That is the key. That will still take majority of my time of course, but I want to add some rainbow to my writing for once. I want something my daughters can read and look back at and say my mom wasn’t completely scorned….she did have some happiness in there somewhere. Because I do you know…I do have that happiness in me it is just so buried and hard to find.

I think it is time to get the shovel and start digging that out.

Until next time…


The wind had calmed by now. His shirt moved with each gust as I lie there on the wet leaves. He was hovering over top of me. I felt him removing my jeans as my hands reached out to touch his hair. I was weak and my breathing had become shallow.

The rain had finally stopped as he tossed my soaked jeans to the side. He ripped my red silk lace panties making marks on my inner thighs from his force. He was making a low growling noise like he was going to devour me. Suddenly I felt that lust again going through my body.

I attempted to raise myself off the ground but could not find the strength. He unbuttoned his pants as he faced me on his knees. I licked my lips as a signal to him that I wanted him badly.

“Armani I want you.”

I whispered to him as I rubbed my neck.

I could see him…