Daily Archives: Saturday, November 10, 2007

Fibromyalgia and Depression

The day was gloomy. I could tell before I even opened the blinds in my room. I didn’t want to get out of bed today. I felt exhausted still even after sleeping nine hours. I loved being under those warm blankets on days like today. I wanted to crawl back under them before my feet even hit the floor. Today would be a day that the Fibromyalgia, and the depression controlled my life. You would think it wouldn’t be such a big deal. You would think, by now, I would be use to these sorts of days.

So, there I was sitting on the side of my bed in my pajamas. I had the palm of my hands on each knee sitting, trying not to break down into tears. I fought to get myself off the bed. I have two small children I have to take care of so staying in bed wasn’t a choice.

The baby ate and the oldest was still sleeping so I was hoping to catch a morning nap on the couch as the little one slept. The baby always takes a morning nap after she eats. On the weekends though I have to worry about my oldest being in bed still in order to get my morning nap. Today I was lucky I got a short morning nap.

Fast forward to the afternoon now.

I finally realized around one o’clock in the afternoon that I had better change out of my pajamas! So I forced myself back to the bedroom. It was a long walk back there today. I couldn’t wait to get dressed and get back on the couch. After I got dressed I thought that maybe a nice bowl of hot soup would help fight off the blues, and the fibromyalgia problems.

Yep, that is what I had for lunch, a nice hot bowl of grilled chicken soup. It didn’t help with the blues or the fibro. Yet again I found myself lying on the couch under a blanket fighting off chills, fighting off tears from the depression, and trying to conceal the pain I felt in my back from the tumor.

The depression I can get under control. I had to stop taking my cymbalta for a few days and now I am feeling the results of that. The fibro, when it is this bad, I am not sure what there is I can do. I just don’t have the energy to do heat therapy. Hell, I’m lucky to get out of bed on days like today!!

I have so much writing to catch up on it isn’t funny! I am behind on a horror story I started. I have stories to write on my fantasy fiction characters. I also have to finish my children’s book I have started. Someone send me some feel good days!

Well life was hard for me today, and hopefully tomorrow it will be better. Living with FMS, chronic pain because of my tumor and depression is not a whole lot of fun!