Broken Promises- Part 1
He stood there; nothing fell from his lips except his breath. His eyes were evaluating me. I approached him slowly stopping so that my breath would caress the nape of his neck.
“I thought you said you never wanted to see me in this way ever again? Have you settled your accounts where she is concerned?” I softly voiced bitterly as I moved around him.
He suddenly clenched my arms.
“I can’t forgive you Lainey, but I can’t get over you. I had to see your pale face once more. I needed to smell your melancholic scent. I wanted to touch your soft wavy dark hair. All of this to only remind me of how toxic you are for me.”
He released my arms. I stood there gazing into his blue eyes. I pulled my silk robe around myself in attempts to fend off the chill in the breeze. The chill could have been from the moment itself.
“Forgive me for letting you go? I couldn’t live that way anymore Valan. I had to move on. You told me things would soon be different in the vacant field that day. You said we’d live happily together soon. I still hold on to the daisy you gave to me that day. It is dried and dead like the two of us now. You never kept to your word Valan in the ten years I gave to you freely.”
Water started to fill my eyes. I turned away from him so he couldn’t see.
The shadows danced on the patio. The swaying trees lit by the moonlight. Leaves rustled across the ground with each stroke of the wind. Here we were again repeating a conversation I could have sworn we’ve had many times before.
“You always show up like this.” I focused on his dark blazer folding my arms over my waste.
“You show up hoping to be my night in shining armor but you end up being my partner in heartache. When I see you I want to scurry to your arms. I hope to hear you say things can finally be the way we planned. Another year passes though with nothing changing except the remorse growing and the resentment becoming my best friend.”
I dropped my arms to my side and started to turn away.
“Stop! What do you expect from me Laney? She has needed me more than you. She has been ill and you have known this. You are the one who broke our agreement. Your heartache is your own doing. You wanted more than I could give and you knew how much I could give.”
My robe swayed in the breeze as I turned so that my eyes met his.
“You are full of broken promises. You have been since I’ve known you.”
I reached for the sliding door.
“You can leave the way you came. In silence, so it is not to disturb my child.” I stepped into the house and I could hear the rustling leaves from his footsteps behind me. Closer, and closer they got. I looked over my shoulder and he was there at the door. He looked somber in his expression.
“Can I see him?” he asked tenderly.
Ten years I’ve given to this man and he still wants me to give more. Why should I let him in? Why should I let him gaze upon my son? He doesn’t deserve to. He gave me no other choice but to walk away.
It was hard to be the other woman. She kept him wrapped around her lifeless finger the entire time. I always fell second to the lovely Martha. He would share stories with me about how beautiful she was. How she would do so many special things for him through the years prior to me coming into his life. He would unload on me the anger of him being left to care for her lifeless body after so many years of wonderful moments. There were times he would tell me I was his everything now. I wanted to believe that but deep down I knew I could never live up to her.
In the vacant field that day it was warm. The daisy flowers flooded the ground. I made a special lunch for us that day. We sat on the blanket he had gotten for me Christmas that had just passed. We talked about what our future would be like soon. He spoke about the home he would build for the child I carried. He told me tales of how he would teach the child to play baseball in the backyard we’d have. He would touch my belly and predict the child being a son.
He picked a large daisy for me that day. I can still see him bending to pull it from the ground. I can picture his smile as he handed it to me. A movie reel plays in my head.
Smiling as he spoke to me, “We will be living happily soon Laney.” He handed me the daisy and kissed me gently on the cheek.
They are all broken promises then and now.
“Valan you said you never wanted to see me in this way ever again. You agreed as long as she take breathes you didn’t want to see me. You said you didn’t want to cause me more heartache then I have already had. Yet here you are. Why are you here now?”
I started to make a pot of coffee. Secretly I wanted him to stay and drink with me. I wanted him to tell me that she had passed and now life can begin for us. Should I want that even after all these years? What was it about this man that made me fall to pieces when I heard his voice? How could I still love him after all that has been said and done?
To be continued….