Dear Dad,

I know I normally only write to you once a year, but I feel the need to write to you now. It might not come out as poetry like all the others before this one. I hope you don’t mind. Kylie is here now and she is almost a month old. She has dark hair like most of our family. She is absolutely beautiful dad and I wish you could see her. I wish you could hold her. I wish you could whisker kiss her like you did the other grandchildren you had a chance to see before you were taken away. I wish I could have been the one to say to you, “Dad stop you are going to cause a rash.”

My girls are missing out on such a good man with you gone dad…even after eleven years dad it still seems too much to take for me. I never knew you could miss someone so much. I now understand how you felt with your mom dad.

Chris is getting married in August. His boy is growing fast. He’s two now and I guess he is already starting to talk and all that good stuff. He looks just like his dad. Boy have things changed a lot dad since you’ve been gone. GOD I MISS YOU SO BAD. I catch glimpses of you in my oldest and it is strange that even two generations down, there you are. I see a lot more of you in Kylie though even now.

In nine months it will be twelve years since you’ve been gone and it will still feel like yesterday I imagine. Jeff and I talked about you the other night briefly. It has to be briefly because quite frankly it hurts to damn bad to talk longer about you for both of us. We talked about how it (burying you) will probably feel like yesterday for us for the rest of our lives. There is no doubt it will dad.

I no longer want to run back home dad like before. I want to stay far away from that place. The list of reasons is long. It is so lonely there with you gone and mom is doing something I am so much against. You would be too. I enter that home and all I see is you dad and then I see the things there that you’d be disgusted with. It makes me so sad and angry at the same time. Hell, sometimes dad it is hard to look at my own brothers because I see so much of you in their faces. If we could only turn back time so that we’d have a few more moments with you…

I have often thought about what would I do with a few more moments if I were given them. The first thing I would do is to tell you sorry for all the things that I’ve done that have left you disappointed in me. I would listen to you talking to me instead of talking in my own mind not paying attention to you because I thought I was more important than what you had to say. I would cherish the time because now I know that one day it is over dad. God how I understand that now!

Visit Chris on his wedding day dad. If just in a breeze please be there for him. He misses you so badly too. Our family has been so broken since you’ve been gone. Perhaps on his day, like on my day, we’ll be patched up briefly.

I love you dad and miss you very much. I hope God is taking care of you there. You are always in my thoughts and that will NEVER change.

Love your little girl,

Rachel

About JustOrdinary

Hello my name is Rachel…around here I’m best known as Just Ordinary. I created this blog page to share pieces of my life with you, the reader, also to share my projects, and writings. This blog page I have created is a collection of realty and fiction. Not everything I write pertains to me or my life.

Posted on Wednesday, June 27, 2007, in family, Journal Pages. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. I can hear your words coming out of my mind when I speak to my father. Although different, the same.

  2. Rachel, your dad would be so proud of you today, i am. You have grown into this beautiful, smart woman who is also a great writer 🙂 I have read alot of your work and each one i am touched by. And i remember your dad like yestarday, i miss him so much. I can remember the days when i was young going to your house to play with Raymond and James,you was just a baby then and Cris didnt seem much older. I read about the summers you spent in Kentucky and that brought back my own memorys of the summers spent there. I remember one time mom and i went to Kentucky with you all in a station wagon and your dad’s driving scaried mom to death! Thanks for sharing your talent with others. I hope all the best this world has to offer you Rachel, you sure deserve it. With love from Marcella.

  3. Wow thanks for stopping by Marcella…thank you for the comments on my writing. Yes I remember your mom saying often that dad driving scared her lol…at least we have memories. Some are not even that fortunate.

    I hope you stop back again in the future. Hope all is well with you and God bless.

    Rachel

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