Tribulation and Blessings
In five days I’ll be 37 weeks. I’ll be considered full term at that time. I am so thankful I’ve made it this far! Having labor come three times since 29 weeks has been pretty worrisome. I was put on bed rest for a while to prevent her from coming sooner. The restrictions have been lifted now because she is in the safe zone to deliver even if she comes before Monday.
It has been a tough time carrying her. I feel lots of pressure and I have a feeling I won’t make it another week. I’m dilated already and her head is in position down there…I’m very excited to meet her soon!
Having fibromyalgia (FMS) and being pregnant has not been fun! At first when I was diagnosed I didn’t believe the diagnosis. I have to say I was in denial. I’ve done lots of reading about the illness over time, and have come to the realization that I have to accept the diagnosis. I do have fibromyalgia. First step is accepting. The second step will be after I have the baby go on medicine to help me cope with it.
For a long time I’ve worried that I have SLE (Lupus). I still worry that is what I do have although they finally found the reason for my hair loss. I still have a few things that have no answer. One being the rash on my face, the way the sun makes me very fatigued and sick when I am in it for an hour or so, and my pre-term labor situation with this baby.
They say negative ANA results so they will not look any further at this time. I wish they would reconsider since I have had pre-term problems. They could check my blood for other factors connected to Lupus just to be safe.
The hair loss was from not having iron storage in my body. I was at 2 and should have been over 40! I have had recurring iron problems since my teenage years. My dermatologist says that would be the next thing for my GP to figure out. Why do I keep ending up anemic? That will be an interesting door to open. Lets hope it isn’t anything seriously wrong with me. I will have to look into what could be causing my body not to store iron properly. A few things I know that could be causing it are not the case with me.
I’ve been having contractions daily for a while now but they never last the full hour. I hope when she decides to finally come, that it is quick. I am so worried about pain level this time. I didn’t have any drugs with my first. People are often shocked when they hear me say that. I have opted for the epidural this time.
This time though things have changed quite a bit! I have the tumor in my back of course and it hurts enough without adding other factors to it, like baby weight! I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia with carrying this baby and that has not been very easy to handle either. She will definitely be worth it once it is all done and over. I just hope and pray she comes as quick as my first came! Most of all I hope she is healthy and has no problems. Cross your fingers for me!
We’re looking at houses right now and while walking through the homes I try to envision what it would be like with two children instead of just one. It is still a little strange for me. My daughter has been our one and only for six years and we truly thought we weren’t going to be able to have another. Let me say this though…
Thinking about faith and God now…
I believe God has always watched out for me. I know that God planned my life in a way that it would all work out the best. He knows I am not as healthy as I was six years ago when I had my daughter. It was right after giving birth to her that my serious problems started affecting my daily life. Perhaps that is why he waited until now to bless me with a second child.
He knew that when he blessed me with my first daughter that she would eventually be one of those in the world that would make a perfect older sister. She is at the age now where she can help with the baby when the baby does come. Let me tell you that my daughter is so great! (I know all parents say that.)
She helps me now even without the baby here. I love her so much and am so proud of her. I am proud of myself too for being a mother that has taught her to be the giving, loving and great girl she is. I pat myself on the back indeed! I want to shout to the heavens about how good of a kid she is! I pray that she remains this way into her teenage years.
I think of my dad everyday. Most days it is easy to think of him while I continue to live on. Being pregnant again though with what would be his 12th grandchild makes it tough to fight the tears when the thought of him crosses my mind. I wish he could have been around to see my two daughters! He has missed the chance to know four of his twelve grandchildren. Or should I say four of his twelve grandchildren have missed a chance to know their grandpa. He really was a great man! I wish you all could have met him too. Well, I guess you have met pieces of him through this journal I’ve kept. I have a lot of my dad in me.
I believe my dad is my guardian angel and I hope that he watches over me as this pregnancy comes to an end. I hope he ensures the safe delivery of my second blessing. May he and God keep me safe during delivery too.
Now I am off. Until next time….