Daily Archives: Saturday, February 10, 2007

Public Enemy #1

My health and some thoughts on sexual abuse and suicide

So I have a few days to catch up with here. The day before yesterday, February 8th, was a bad day. I slept most of that day. Friday, February 9th, I would have done the same if my husband had been home. Both days were not so good.

Today I am fatigued and my hair loss seems to have slowed down some! YAY!! Not as many strands of hair on my pillow today. We’ll see how that keeps up throughout the day. I do however have another sore in my nose. I also notice some tenderness under my chin on the left side. Not sure if that is my gland or what. It is a little puffy too. Hurts like hell to touch it.

I had an appointment February 8th with my neurologist. The visit was just to get renewals on my pain meds. He gave me a prescription of vicodin that he said I could take in emergencies due to pain. He also said it would help me sleep on some nights if I were to take it before I go to sleep. That is great that he cares about my pain level. I don’t like the fact he wants me to take it while being pregnant!! He said it won’t cause deformities but it could cause dependency for the baby if I take too much. How much is too much? I don’t particular like this idea. I think I will NOT take the vicodin and just deal with my pain when I need to. I will not risk my child to relieve myself. Not in my nature sorry Doc!

I’ve had some strange dreams lately. A normal part of being pregnant I know. Yes, pregnant women have strange dreams and some even have erotic dreams. Damn, I’ve been cursed with the strange ones! (Laughs) I am still having cravings too. Leg cramps! Oh boy those really suck! Another “normal” thing for pregnancy! She is active so I really don’t have many worries about her being OK.

Onto another topic now


I heard about this religious cult and it sparked me to investigate it further. The things I am finding out about it are quite disturbing! I plan to post something up on it very soon. The most disturbing part of the cult is that they are still operating around the world!

I thought a lot about Joey the other day and his suicide. I have a bad feeling that he was probably molested as a child and had no outlet. There are so many out in the world that have been abused sexually and never breathe a word of it to anyone. It really is sad. I remember how it was to carry that type of secret for years. It is enough to drive someone to commit suicide. I wonder if that is what finally put Joey over the edge.

Are you one of those people? Do you carry it around inside and confide in no one? If you are I want to speak directly to you now.

You are not alone! You don’t have to keep the secret. You can get an anonymous BLOG to write the secret down in so that the cyber world can be there to help carry the secret with you. There are people who survive the abuse. I am one of them. You are one of them. You know the Internet is a great thing for people like us. It makes it possible for us to write our most raw feelings down without ever saying who we are. It helps others who might feel those same things to know they are not alone. I know now thanks to the cyber world that I AM NOT ALONE. You are not either! I wish I could have reached Joey. I wish someone had reached him. I am not certain why he chose suicide but I do know why many decide that suicide is the only option left. I pray for those people. If you are one of those people who see no other option available please reach out for help. There are options!

We live in a world that sometimes is so sick that it is hard to comprehend. We also live in a world that contains some of the most precious people you or I will ever run across. Reach out to those people more often and the sick world that surrounds will be easier to deal with.

I’ll journal more in a while…I have to clear my own head now.