Daily Archives: Thursday, January 25, 2007

I’ll Hate the World Today

I drag myself out of bed
Still feeling numb in my head
Time has passed and much hasn’t changed
The world surrounds me and it’s strange
I want to crawl into a shell
Hide myself away from the hell
The bombs that tick inside my soul
The memories I just can’t seem to let go
I’ll hate the world today
It makes living easier for me
All the mistakes of you in me
I just want to be free

Sometimes I want to die
While thoughts of you linger
Sometimes all I can do is cry
Even though I don’t want to remember

A monster has created a demon
Still without reason
I’ll never be the way I once was
Inside my head you crawl
Leaving flames, consumed with fire
Smothering all of my desire
To smile, to laugh, to live
I want to hide myself away
Before my bombs detonate
I’ll hate the world today
All the mistakes of you in me
I want to be free

Another blah day! Will they ever go away?

I slept most of the day away yesterday. I can do that on some days when my husband is home to take care of our daughter. The two things I got done yesterday were a few posts on the BLOG, and the small amount of research I had done on the Internet.

Today I went through some pictures. That was probably a bad idea! I look terrible now! My hair is awful and thin. My face isn’t clear like it once was. I got this rash across my cheekbones and nose half the time now! I look ill!

I am very tired today and stiff. The shortness of breath has returned today. I am aching too in my hands and wrist. Everyday I think if I just have some coffee I will be so much better. I tell myself I will have energy when I finish the cup! I don’t know why after all this time I try to tell myself that still. It doesn’t help so much with those things. I wish it would. I do love my coffee though!

I went through my normal routine again today. I woke up to pick off strands of hair from the pillowcase and then I spent time taking off the loose hairs from my shirt top. I got my daughter her breakfast then off to the couch I went to lie down again. I dozed off for about an hour! I woke up and really didn’t want to get up but knew I had to. I feel like I am dragging a ton of bricks behind me!

Life is just being sucked out of me slowly here! That is so damn depressing too.

Afternoon already! Time flies when you sleep a lot of it away! Have to go make some lunch…